1st draft, August-September 1923, I.2§1 draft level 0

MS British Library 47472 97 Draft details

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|aConcerning the |borigin genesisb|a| of his |aHarold ora| Humphrey Coxon's agnomen |aand discarding finally those theories which would link him either with the Glues & Gravys & Earwickers of Sidlehamº |bin the hundred of manhoodb| or proclaim him a descendant of vikings who had settled in Herwick (?) or Erwick (?)a| the most authentic version has it that |alike it was this way. Likea| Cincinnatus |ahe the G.O.G. (grand old gardener)a| was one |asabbatha| day |aat followinga| his plough |a|bfor rootlesb| in the rear garden of his Royal Marine Hotela| when royalty was announced |aby runner to have been pleased to halt ona| on the highroad |aalong which a dogfox had casta|. Forgetful of all but his fealty |ahe stayed not to saddle or yoke buta| he |ahastened stumbled |bhotfaceb|a| out |aof his forecourts in his |bsurcingle plus fours &b| bulldog boots |bcoated with red clay marlºb|a| on to the road|a, jingling |bthe hisb| turnpike keys |ba sweatdrenched bandana hanging from his coat pocketb|a| holding aloft |aamid the fixed |bbayonets pikes of the royal hunting partyb|a| a long perch atop of which a flowerpot was affixed. On his majesty, who was |arather noticeablya| longsighted from |ahisa| early youth, inquiring whether he had been engaged in lobstertrapping |ahonesta| Humphrey bluntly answered |avery similarlya|: 'No, my liege, I was only a cotching of them bluggy earwigs'. The king |awho held a draught of obvious water in his handa| upon this smiled heartily |abeneath his walrus moustachesa| and, giving way to that none too genial humour which |ahe William the Conka| had inherited from his great aunt Sophy, turned |ato towardsa| two |agunmena| of his retinue the lord of Offaly |xhero in unreadx| and the mayor of Waterford (the |asecond gun beinga| Syndic of Drogheda according to a later version |acited by the learned Kouavana|) remarking '|aHolybones,a| How our brother of Burgundy would fume did he know that he have |athis fora| trusty vassal |awho isa| a turnpiker who is also an earwicker'. |aWhether th Are thesea| True facts |aare recorded ina| as this legend |amay bea|? |aWe shall perhaps see. Buta| it is certain that from that |ahistorica| date all documents initialled by Humphrey bear the sigla H.C.E. and while he was always Coxon for his cronies and good duke Humphrey for the ragged tiny folk of Lucalizod it was certainly a
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a pleasant turn of the populace which gave him as sense of these initials the nickname 'Here Comes |aEverything Everybodya|'. |aAna| Imposing |aenough everybodya| indeed he looked and worthy of that title as he |asat surveyed the playhousea| on gala nights |ain froma| the royal booth |awhere he sat with all his housea| with |abroadstretched kerchief cooling neck & shoulders &a| wardrobepanelled |acoat |bclawhammer tuxedob|a| thrown back from a shirt wellnamed a swallowall far outstarching the laundered |aladies clawhammersa| and marbletopped highboys of the pit. A baser meaning has been read into these letters, the literal sense of which decency dunread can but touch. It has been suggested that he suffered from a vile disease. To such a suggestion the only selfrespecting answer is to affirm that there are certain statements which ought not to be, and one would like to be able to add, ought not to be allowed to be made. |aThere was a case of the kind implicating a man named Lyons |bwho who was posted at Mallon's &b| years afterwards dropped dead whilst waiting for a chop in Hawkins street.a| Nor have his detractors |awho|b, an imperfectly warmblooded race,b| apparently think him capable of any & every enormity |brecorded to the discredit of the Juke & Kellikek familiesb|,a| mended their case by insinuating that he was at one time under the |aludicrousa| imputation of annoying soldiers in the |apark |brushes blankb|a|. To anyone who knew and loved H- C- E- the suggestion is preposterous. Slander, let it do its worst, has never been able to convict that good and great man of any |agreater misdemeanour worse improprietya| than that of |aan incautious exposure and partial at that |bone incautious exposure and partial at that of having behaved in an ungentlemanly mannerb|a| in the presence of certain |anursemaids |b|ctwo a pair ofc|b| maidservants in the rushy hollow whither nature as they alleged had spontaneously & at the same time sent them both but each ofa| whose |atestimony is testimonies area|, if not dubious, at any rate slightly divergent |a|bin onb| minor points |btouching what was certainly an incautious, but at the most, a partial exposure with attenuating circumstances,b| during an |bexceptional abnormalb| S Martin's summera|.