Faber and Faber (London: 1939) I.6§3

First edition, first printing (details)

I.6§3 (FW 152.04 - 159.93)

As my explanations here are probably above your understandings, lattlebrattons, though as augmentatively uncomparisoned as Cadwan, Cadwallon and Cadwalloner, I shall revert to a more expletive method which I frequently use when I have to sermo with muddlecrass pupils. Imagine for my purpose that you are a squad of urchins, snifflynosed, goslingnecked, clothyheadedº, tangled in your lacings, tingled in your pants, etsitarawº etcicero. And you, Bruno Nowlan, take your tongue out of your inkpot! As none of you knows javanese I will give all my easyfree translation of the old fabulist's parable. Allaboy Minorº, take your head out of your satchel! Audi, Joe Peters! Exaudiº facts!

º The Mookse and the Gripes.

Gentes and laitymen,º fullstoppers and semicolonials,º hybreds and lubberds!

Eins within a space and a wearywideº space it wast ere wohned a Mookse. The onesomeness wast alltolonely,º archunsitslike, broady oval, and aº Mookseº he would a walking go (My hood! cries Antony Romeo)º so one grandsumer evening, after a great morning and his good supper of gammon and spittish, having flabelled his eyes, pilleoled his nostrils, vacticanated his ears and palliumed his throatsº, he put on his impermeable, seized his impugnable,º harped on his crown and stepped out of his immobile De Rure Albo (socolledº becauld it was chalkfull of masterplasters and had borgeously letout gardens strown with cascadas, pintacostecas, horthoducts and currycombs) and set off from Ludstown a spasso to see how badness was badness in the weirdest of all pensible ways.

As heº set off with his father's sword, hisº lancia spezzata, he was girded on, and with that between his legs and his tarkeelsº, our once in only Bragspear, heº clanked, to my clinking, from veetoes to threetop,º every inch of an immortal.

He had not walked over a pentiadpairº of parsecs from his azylium when at the turning of the Shinshone Lanteran near
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Saint Bowery's-without-his-Walls he came (secunding to the one one oneth of the propecies, Amnis Limina Permanent) upon the most unconsciously boggylooking stream he ever locked his eyes with. Out of the colliens it took a rise by daubing itself Ninon. It looked little and it smelt of brown and it thought in narrows and it talked showshallow. And as it rinn it dribbled like any lively purliteasyº: My, my,º my! Me and me! Little down dreamº don't I love thee!

And, I declare, what was there on the yonder bank of the stream that would be a river, parched on a limb of the olum, bolt downright, but the Gripes? And no doubt he was fit to be dried for why had he not been having the juice of his times?

His pips had been neatly all drowned on him; his polps were charging odours every older minute; he was quickly for getting the dresser's desdaign on the flyleaf of his frons; and he was quietly for giving the bailiff's distrain on to the bulkside of his cul de Pompe.º In all his specious heavings, as he lived by Optimus Maximus, the Mookse had never seen his Dubville brooder-on-low so nigh to a pickle.

Adrian (that was the Mookse now's assumptinome) stuccstill phiz-à-phiz to the Gripes in an accessit of aurignacian. But Allmookse must to Moodendº much as Allrouts, austereways or wastersways, in roaming run through Room. Hic sor a stone, singularly illud, and on hoc stone Seter satt huc sate which it filled quite poposterouslyº and by acclammitation to its fullest justotoryum and whereopum with his unfallable encyclicling upom his alloilable, diupetriark of the wouest, and the athemystsprinkled pederect he always walked with, Deusdedit, cheek by jowel with his frisherman's blague, Bellua Triumphanesº, his everyway addedto wallat's collectium, for yea longer he lieved yea broader he betaught of it, the fetter, the summe and the haul it cost, he looked the first and last micahlike laicness of Quartus the Fifth and Quintus the Sixth and Sixtus the Seventh giving allnight sitting to Lio the Faultyfindth.

— Good appetite us, sirº Mookse! How do you do it? cheeped the Gripes in a wherry whiggy maudelenianº woice and the jackasses
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all within bawl laughed and brayed for his intentions for they knew their sly toad lowry now. I am rarumominum blessed to see you, my dear mouster. Will you not perhopes tell me everythingº if you are pleased, sanity? All about aulne and lithial and allsall allinall about awn and liseias?º Ney?

Think of it! O miserendissimest retempter! A Gripesº!

— Rats! bullowed the Mookse most telesphorously, the concionator, and the sissymusses and the zozzymusses in their robenhauses quailed to hear his tardeynois at allº for you cannot wake a silken nouse out of a hoarse oar. Blast yourself and your anathomy infairioriboos! No, hang you for an animal rurale! I am superbly in my supremest poncif! Abase you, baldyqueensº! Gather behind me, satraps! Rots!

— I am till infinity obliged with you, bowed the Gripes, his whine having gone to his palpruy head. I am still always having a wish on all my extremities. By the watch, what is the time, pace?

Figure it! The pining peever! To a Mookse!

— Ask my index,º mundº my achilles, swellº my obolum, woshupº my nase serene,º answered the Mookse, rapidly by turningº clement, urban, eugeniousº and celestian in the formose ofº good grogory humoursº. Quote awhore? That is quite about what I came on my missions with myº intentions laudibiliter to settle with youº, barbarousse. Let thor be orlog. Let Pauline be Irene. Let you be Beeton. And let me be Los Angeles. Now measure your length.º Now estimate my capacity.º Well, sour? Is this space of our couple of hours too dimensional for you, temporiser? Will you give you up? Como? Fuert it?º

Sanctaº Patientia! You should have heard the voice that answered him! Culla vosellina.

— I was just thinkling upon that, swees Mooksey, but, for all the rime on my raisins, if I connowº make my submission, I cannosº give you up, the Gripes whimpered fromº nethermost of his wanhope. Ishallassoboundbewilsothoutoosezit. My tumble, loudy bullocker, is my own. My velicity is too fit in one stockend. And my spetial inexshellsis the belowing things ab ove. But I will never be abler to tell Your Honoriousness (here he near lost
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his limb)º though my corked father was bott a pseudowaiter, whose o'cloak you ware.

Incredible!º Well, hear the inevitable.º

Your temple, sus in cribro!º Semperexcommunicambiambisumers. Tugurios-in-Newrobe or Tukurias-in-Ashies. Novarome, my creature, blievend bleives. Myº building space in lyonine city is always to let to leonlike Menº, the Mookse in a most consistorous allocution pompifically with immediate jurisdictionº constantinently concludded (whatº a crammer for the shapewrucked Gripes!).º And I regret to proclaim that it is out of my temporal to help you from being killed by inchies, (what a thrust!),º as we first met each other newwhere so airly. (Poor little sowsieved subsquashed Gripesº! I begin to feel contemption for him!).º My sideº thank decretals, is as safe as motherour's houses, he continued, and I can seen from my holeydome what it is to be wholly sane. Unionjok and be joined to yok! Parysis, tu sais, crucycrooks, belongs to him who parises himself. And there I must leave you subject for the pressing. I can prove that against you, weight a momentum, mein goot enemy!º or Cospol's not our star. I bet you this dozen odd. This foluminous dozen odd. Quas primas — but 'tis bitter to compote my knowledge's fructos of. Tomes.

Elevating, to give peint to his blick, his jewelled pederect to the allmysty cielung, he luckystruck blueild out a few shouldbe santillants, a cloister of starabouts over Maples, a lucciolys in Teresa street and a stopsign before Sophy Barratt's, heº gaddered togodder the odds docence of his vellumes, gresk, letton and russicruxian, onto the lapse of his prolegs, into umfullth onescuppered, and sat about his widerproof.º He proved itº well whoonearth dry and drysick times, and vremiament, tu cesses, to the extinction of Niklaus altogether (Niklaus Alopysius having been the once Gripes's popwilled nimbum)º by Neuclidius and Inexagoras andº Mumfsen andº Thumpsemº, by Orasmus and by Amenius, byº Anacletus the Jew and by Malachyº the Augurer and by the Cappon's collectionº and ºº after that, withº Cheekee's gelatine and Alldaybrandy's formolon,º he reproved it ehrltogetherº
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when not in that order sundering in some different order, alter three thirty and a hundred timesº by the binomial dioram and the penic walls and the ind, the Inklespillº legends and the rure, the rule of the hoop and the blessons of expedience and the jus, the jugicants of Pontius Pilax and all the mummyscrips in Sick Bokes' Juncroom andº the Chapters for the Cunning of the Chapters of the Conning Fox by Tail.

While that Mooksius with preprocession and with proprecession, duplicitly and diplussedly, was promulgating ipsofacts and sadcontras this raskolly Gripos he had allbust seceded in monophysicking his illsobordunates. But asawfulas he had caught his base semenoyous sarchnaktiers to combuccinate upon the silipses of his aspillouts and the acheporeoozers of his haggyown pneumax to synerethetise with the breadchestviousness of his sweeatovular ducose sofarfully the loggerthuds of his sakellaries were fond at variance with the synodals of his somepooliom and his babskissed nepogreasymost got the hoof from his philioquus.

— Efter thousand yaws, O Gripesº con my sheepskins, yow will be belined to the world,º enscayed Mookse the pius.

— Ofter thousand yores, amsered Gripes the gregary, be the goat of MacHammud's,º yours may be still, O Mookse,º more botheared.º

Us shall be chosen as the first of the last by the electress of Vale Hollowº, obselved the Mookse nobily, forº par the unicum of Elelijiacks,º Us am in Our stabulary and that is what Ruby and Roby fall for, blissim.º

The Pills, the Nasal Wash (Yardly's)º, the Army Man Cut, asº british as bondstrictº and as straightcut as when that brokenarched traveller from Nuzulandº

— Wee, cumfusedº the Gripes limply,º shall not even be the last of the first, wee hope, when oust are visitated by the Veiled Horrorº. And,º he added:º Mee are relying entirely, see the fortethurd of Elissabed, on the weightiness of mear's breath.º Puffut!

Unsightbared embouscher, relentlessº foe to social and business succesº! (Hourihaleineº) It might have been a happy evening but …º
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And they viterberated eachº other, canisº et coluberº with the wildest ever wielded since Tarriestinus lashed Pissasphaltium.

— Unuchorn!

— Ungulant!

— Uvuloid!

— Uskybeak!

And bullfolly answered volleyball.

Nuvoletta in her lightdress, spunn of sisteen shimmers,º was looking down on them, leaning over the bannistars and listening all she childishly could. How she was brightened when Shouldrups in his glaubering hochskied his welkinstuck and how she was overclused when Kneesknobs on his zwivvel was makeacting such a paulse of himshelp! She was alone. All her nubied companionsº were asleeping with the squirrels. Their mivver, Mrs Moonan, was off in the Fuerst quarterº scrubbing the backstepsº of Number 28. Fuvverº, that Skand,º he was up in Norwood's sokaparlour,º eating oceans of Voking's Blemish. Nuvoletta listened as she reflected herself, though the heavenly one with his constellatria and his emanationsº stood between,º and she tried all she tried to make the Mookse look up at her (but he was fore too adiaptotously farseeing) and to make the Gripes hear how coy she could be (though he was much too schystimatically auricular about his ens to heed her) but it was all mild's vapour moist. Not even her feignt reflection, Nuvoluccia, could they tokeº their gnoses offº for their minds with intrepifide fate and bungless curiasity,º were conclaved with Heliogobbleus and Commodus and Enobarbarus and whatever the coordinal dickens they did as their damprauch of papyrs and buchstubs said. As if that was their spiration! As if theirs could duiparate her queendim! As if she would be third perty to search on search proceedings! She tried all the winsome wonsome ways her four winds had taught her. She tossed her sfumastelliacinous hair like la princesse de la Petite Bretagne and she rounded her mignons arms like Mrs Cornwallis-West and she smiled over herself like the beauty of the image of the pose of the daughter of the queen of the Emperour of Irelande and she sighed after herself as were she born
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to bride with Tristis Tristior Tristissimus. But, sweet madonine, she might fair as well have carried her daisy's worthº to Florida. For the Mookse, a dogmad Accanite, were not amoosed and the Gripes, a dubliboused Catalick, wis pinefully obliviscent.

º I see, she sighed.º There are menner.

The siss of the whisp of the sigh of the softzing at the stir of the ver grose O arundo of a long one in midias reeds: and shades began to glidder along the banks, greepsing, greepsing, duusk unto duusk, and it was as gloomingº as gloaming could be in the waste of all peacable worldsº. Metamnisia was allsoonomeº coloroform brune; citherior spiane an eaulande,º innemorous and unnumerose. The Mookseº had a sound eyes right but he couldº not all hear. The Gripes had light ears left yet he could but ill see. Heº ceased. Andº he ceased,º tung and trit, andº it was neversoever so duskº of both of them. But still Moo thought on the deeps of the undths he would profoundth come the morrokse and still Gri feeled of the scripes he would escipe if by grice he had luck enoupes.

Oh,º how it was duusk! From Vallee Maraia to Grasyaplainaº, dormimust echo! Ah dew! Ah dew! It was so duusk that the tears of night began to fall,º first by ones and twos, then by threes and fours, at last by fives and sixes of sevens, for the tired ones were wecking,º as we weep nowº with them. O! O! O!º Par la pluie!º

Then there came down to the thither bank a woman of no appearance (I believe she was a Black with chillsº at her feet) and she gathered up his hoariness the Mookse motamourfully where he was spread and carriedº him away to her invisible dwelling, thats hights, Aquila Rapax, for he was the holy sacred solemº and poshup spit of her boshop's apron. So you see the Mookse he had reason as I knew and you knew and he knew all along. And there came down to the hither bank a woman to all important (though they say that she was comely, spiteº the cold in her heed) and, for he was as like it as blow it to a hawker's hank, she plucked down the Gripes, torn panicky autotone, in angeu from his limb and cariad away its beotitubes with her to her unseen
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shieling, it is, De Rore Coeli. And so the poor Gripes got wrong;º for that is always how a Gripesº is, always was and always will be. And it was never so thoughtful of either of them. And there were left now an only elmtree and but a stone. Polled with pietrous, Sierreº but saule. O! Yes!º And Nuvoletta, a lass.

Then Nuvoletta reflected for the last time in her little long life and she made up all her myriads of drifting minds in one. She cancelled all her engauzements. She climbed over the bannistars; sheº gave a childy cloudy cry: Nuée! Nuée!º A lightdress fluttered. She was gone. And into the river that had been a stream (for a thousand of tears had gone eonº her and come on her and she was stout and struck on dancing and her muddied name was Missisliffi)º there fell a tear, a singult tear, the loveliest of all tears (I mean for those crylove fables fans who are ‘keen’º on the pretty-pretty commonface sort of thing you meet by hopeharrods) for it was a leaptear. But the river tripped on her by and by, lapping as though her heart was brook: Why, why, why! Weh,º O weh! I'se so silly to be flowing but I no canna stay!

No applause, please! Bast! The romescot nattleshakerº will go round your circulation in diu dursusº.

Allaboy,º Major, I'll take your reactions in another place after themes. Nolan Browneº, you may now leave the classroom, Joe,º Peters, Fox.