3rd draft, November-December 1924, §3B draft level 2
MS British Library 47482b 113-117 Draft details
— Sir, to you. I am brought up under an |2old camel2| act of |2Edward
|aBalder Sitric Silkenbearda|2| |2the
First of his dynasty now out of print,2| but I am known throughout the world wherever good English is spoken |2by
saint & sinner alike2| as a cleanliving man & |2as a matter of fact2| I think our
public at large appreciates it most highly of me that I am cleanliving |2as cd be2| |2& that my game was good fair average
|aas I |balways perpetuallyb| kept my wicket upa|2| & as a
matter of fact I possess the sweetest little wife on the globe who won the consolation prize in the |2serial2| dream of fair women's handicap by 2 breasts
|2in opera tops2|. |2I |akeenlya| love
such particularly with heliotrope |aeyelids eyelipsa| where I can drench my soul on beauty of the past.2| She is my
|2best2| cherished wife and my private chaplain, an always sadfaced man who has visited our very |2hard2| hearts & reins, can speak
|2loudly2| to you some quite complimentary things of my clean character acting in the dark painful though such recital
|2be prove2| to me. |2|a|bby whomb|
As you all know|b, dear humans, as a matter of |cpurec|
factb| one of the ambitions of my early youth |bof a child from
an early pea periodb| I was confirmed in bed by our beloved |bcurate
curate-authorb|. Michael Angel is your man.a| Let
Michael tell you |ahumans people herea|
|ahimself as only our own Michael can to bring ruptures to our oarsa| how I am
|a(megaphone —— |bLarge hogb| Guinness's Ornery
fortninehalf Shau Shameson saywhen saywhen Lighwar Dabinbar Duba| |xLloyrge hoggs one four tups noyingx| |xCall
|aita| off! Sorry! Godnat|a, vrybodya|! Kyow! |aAppreciate Yohr customa|
|aTha. Kyow!a| Tak! |aAppreciate Yohr customa|x|2| There is not a teaspoonspill of evidence to my bad & I
|2must & do protest can take off my coats to enter my caveat of protestant2| against future publication of libel by any Ticks Tipsylon to
that highest personage at present holding down the throne. |2|aAnd |blowb| it fell to my lot when I presented to His Royalty on his charger the keys of our city
and with the greeting words: Hail, Caesar Hearty congratulations excellencya| |aWho accuses me. My adversary. He is the first liar in the land.
Shucks!a| Such |abughousea| filth as I cannot |abarelya| conceive
|aofa|. The broken hearted villain! The The whole hole |aof thea| affair is
rotten pigs' draff!2| As a matter of fact |2even were you to give me even 2 months
in second divisions and, thank you, I will pay the great price, |atightwad though I be,a| were it fated to be
the legal eric,2| I undertake to discontinue all practices
|2which I stoutly deny |ato have |bbought confederated & agreed to buyb| a |bnegress niggeressb| for 8 pounds scotch, |bwhich would be excessively harrowing to my feelings,b|a|2| & honestly as my best policy I have had my lesson. |2& do you know|a, truth to tell, homesters,a| I honestly think I |ahavea| made good. |aI abhor myself and repent me of blanka|2| The amusing part is I will say that since |2I ran a selection here2| |2my toils of domestication began2| famine has receded from this land |2where my toils of domestication began2|. Idle were it to inquire whether I be the mass product of team work or a forced outcome of group marriage for, surrounded by obscurity, I claim |2by virtue of creation & by boon of promise2| my natural born freeman's right to opt for |2simultaneous.2| Amen.
|2— What is your |aname numba|?
— Who gave you that |aname |bnumb nummb|a|? when
— 3 Verily, verily!
4 I am listening |xexcessively unread successx|2| I |2may2| mean to say had my faithful Fulvia |2following the fashion of this world2| turned her back on her ways to go on the hills in search of brunette men |2of Iraland Chief Night Town Cloud |aby the Deeps,a| and Chief |aBlack Water North Pawa| and Chief Bear |aNorth Paw Black Watera|,2| or had she left her |2cukuk2| crocus bed at the mere suggestion of some infamous fishermen who wd have abused of her there might accrue advantage to ask |2but yet know from of old it was vastly otherwise because2| she ever did ensue the things that pertained unto fairness. |2Even so, O Lord. But I was firm with her2| and I did take the hand of my delights, my jealousy, & did |2lead raft2| her whimpering |2|ariverworthilya| overland |athe pacea| by Gardiner's Mall to & Gormanstown2| to Ringsend ferry |2& there by the p pollyfizzyboisterous sea |aI |bthumbringed & tradesmanmarked herb| I chained a name & wedlock |bon her round her |cthe which to carry to her gravec|b|, my dirty deary,a|2| & I did encompass her about, my verminbreeder, with all
lovingkindness |2so far as in my might it lay2| & I gave unto my |2little wife lilyyounger2| turkeythighs soft goods & hardware |2potted flesh2| & fine |2ladderproof2| hosiery lines & |2pennigsworths of the best of taste2| geegaws |2of wispy frocks2| such as women |2cattle2| wear & all daintiness by teatime |2and blank2| and I hung up my pigmy suns for the supperhour of my frigid one |2from the |atopaz lights topazolitesa| of Mourne |asouth by Waterford's hook light & crooklighta| & Arklow's |asapphirea| lure to the polders of Hy Kinsella,2| & I fed her|2, my carleen, my little lean steer,2| upon spiceries for her garbage breath|2, |aItalica| knobbyleek & swinespepper & Frankish onion,2| and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid I gave |2powlver |ato mine swarthy one unto my swarthy & gentle oilsa| for the face of her |a& grace of her,a|2| handewers & loinscrubbers & a currycomb for her tuzzy with clubmoss & wolvesfoot for her more moister |2places wards |aand I planned |bmy prizelessb| telltale sports to wring her withers |blimberlyb|, bray & spinado & ranter go round,a|2| & I built for mine elskede, my shiny brow, an earth closet |2of wattle & daub2| wherein to be quit |2in most convenience2| of her sabbath & needs & I restored for |2her my |apretty pigeoness smuggy piggisneesa|2| her paddypalace |2|aof wattle and dauba| stablished upon the crossknoll2| & added thereunto a shallow laver to put out her hellfire |2& she sat her down upon the altarstone|a, the Lord have mercy on her, |bAmenb|a|2| |2|x
and, rain or shower or drizzle or sleet, I did learn my little anna countrymouse |2her in2| alphabeater cameltemper from ashenbirch to hazelyou
with my rattan at her drum ooah oyir oyir oyir & I did spread before my Livvy my selvage mats of softest lawn & I planted for my own hot lass a vineyard & fenced it about with Chesterfield elms |2& Kentish hops |aagainst budmonth of her spring & gleanermontha|2| & |2(hush! hush!)2| I brewed for her|2, my plurabelle,2| my |2first |abranded brandolda|2| Dublin lindub|2, the |afree, the froh,a| foamy |afollunread freshenera|, the pusspuss pussyfoot,2| to split the spleen of her maw & I |2lay laid2| down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways whereon the mule & the hinny & the jennet & the mustard nag and piebald Shetlands & skewbald Orkneys stepped lively for her pleashadure & she laughed at the switchering of the whip.
— Mattahah! marahah! luahah! joahah!