Haveth Childers

1st typescript, January 1925 and Spring 1926, §3B draft level 4', 4

MS British Library 47484a 80-86; 52-56 Draft details

— Sir, to you! |4Here we are again!º4| I am bubub brought up under a camel act of a dynasty long since out of print, the first of Sitric Silkenbeard, but I am known throughout the world wherever a good English is spoken, as this is, |4protested4| by |4saint and sinner saints and
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|ain silks eye eye
a|4| alike as a cleanliving man and as a matter of fact|4,º by my |awife halfwifea|,4| I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. |4On my |awife very wifea|4| I never was nor can afford to be guilty of breach, crim |4crig4| con, or trespass |4on the person with against my parson with the person of4| a youthful girl frifrif friend named Apples |4when I would feel of her |aripe unripea| ones,º4| as it |4'would should4'| prove far too baad to my reputation |4for daughters-in-trade4| being lightly clad and as a mere matter of fact |4I tell of myself how4| I popo possess the |4sweetest ripest4| little wife round the |4globe globes4| on which she |4walked off was raping away first4| with the consolation prize in |4the my4| serial |4dream dreams4| of fair |4'woman women,º4'| handicapped by two breasts in opera tops. I kickick keenly love
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such, particularly |4at their most perfect best when4| served with heliotrope eyelips, as this is, where |4savouring of its their flavours4| I drench my jolly soul on the pupure beauty of hers past.

She is my best preserved |4wife wholewife4| in |4'God's Evans's4'| |4eye and eye,º with smallest |ashoenumber shoenumbersa| outside ofº |aChinatown Chinatinsºa|. They are unread dainty. May I not recommend them? And, alas,4| our private chaplain, an always sadfaced man, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingers, can speak loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean characteracting even|4, when detected,º4| in the dark, painful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her to our fourposter singing in our altogether homesweetened |4gloom gleegloomº4| |4there is no such places like Norwage there'sº gnome sweeplacesº like theresweep Norwage4|. By whom, as you all know as a matter of pure fact, dear humans, of a child one of the ambitions of my yougend from an early peepee period intended for |4the church broadchurch,º4| I was confirmed in bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Angel is your man. Let Michael tell you people here in his clairaudience, as this is, as only our own Michael can to bring ruptures to our |4oars roars4| how I am amp amplify Guinness's Ornery fortninehalf. Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying. Sorry! Thnkyou! |4Thatll beall fortodayº.º4|
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Call it off! Godnat, vrybolly! Abbreciades York gustoms. Kyow! Tak! It is truly most amusin. |4Colt's tooth!º4| |4There I protest there4| is not one teaspoonspill of evidence to my baad as you shall see, as this is, |4Keemun Lapsang of 1st pickings4| and |4I contago4| I can take off my |4'dudud myº dirtynine4'| coats here before those in heaven to enter into my |4protestant preprotestant4| Caveat against the pupup publication of libel |4on my backwardations4| by any Ticks Tipsylon to that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. |4The caca cad! I protest it that he is,º by my wipehalf!º4| Shames upon pipip Private M—! Shames on his foulsomeness! |4'Shames Shamus4'| on his lulul lying sowel! And to my lot it fell |4on my sexsex, my sexcentenary,4| when I |4presented holded up4| to His Mam to His Mamam His Maggerstick the keys of our city on his pricelist charger with my allbum's |4words greethims4|: Hearty Congrandyoulikethems, Excellency!

Whosaw dares at handgripper thisa breast? |4'The Adversary. Adversarian!º4'| First liar in landend. Man sicker at I are bluffit konservateve? Shucks! Such bughouse filth so I cannot barely conceive of! The brokenhearted villain! Hole affair is rotten pig's draff!

— Is that |4you yu4|, Whitehead?

— Have you Headnoise now?

— Give us your muddy reception, will yous?

— Pass the fish for Christ' sake!

Old Whitehowth is speaking again. Pity poor Whiteoath! Dear gone mumum mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livet true thousand hells. |4Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W.º in this profoundest snobbing I have caught.4| Nine dirty years mine age, hairs white, mummery failing, deaf as Adder, I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, two eats. My happybossoms, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Children Everywhere with Mudder!

That was Communicator, a former colonel. He
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has had some |4'indiegestings indiejestings4'|, poor thing, for quite a little while. Poor Felix Culaper! |4So enjoying of old while,º |ain unread hat of four reflections,ºa| |ahe ita| did puffout a smokeful bock!º4| Its voice is still flutish and its mounth still wears |4'its that4'| soldier scarlet though the hairs, alas, are peppered with silver. It is |4because bycauseº4| of what he was sent into |4his4| prisons on account of. Hence his depressed words. It looks like somebody else bearing my burden. I can't let it. |4'Cans note. Can nought.º4'|

Well, sir, |4I have bared my whole past on two sides.4| |4give Give4| me even my two months |4by lax law4| in second division and |4I will see my first |abroadcloth isa| business will be to protest4| if it does not occur again. I am here to tell you |4I am thoughtful to become a Seltº when4| I will pay |4the my4| pretty decent trade price |4for my glueglue glucoseº4|, peebles, were it even, as it is, the legal eric for |4wholewiping cleanº4| infelicitous conduct and, as a matter of fact, I undertake to discontinue all practices
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and I deny |4inº toto4| at my own request in all stoutness to have |4confederated confermentated4| and agreed |4with |aa friend from mine,ºa| Mr Billups,º |awhom I have called good,ºa|4| to buy a niggeress|4, |aBlanche Blanchettea| Brewster,4| which would seem eggseggs excessively harroween to my feelimbs, for eight punt scotch. |4|aThe preumption
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of her!a| Improbable!º Or to have sold same,º |abest Bristol,º high yellow,a| cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. Utterly improperable!
4| So help me Cash!

|4My herrings!4| Her bare |4idea idears4|, it is too chucklesome. |4|aAbsurda| Bargain, will call.º |aOne line, wrapped up! One line,º with! One line, with,º with!a|4| The two cherrypickers Lizzy and Lissy Mycock I would not know |4to contact4| them in my way from Adam or any heiresses of theirs, claiming by, through, or under them. |4What a shrubbery trick to play!4| Hear this! I will |4put my |ahead oathheada| under my |awhite oath white pota| and will4| stand me |4where I stood mine4| |4hard in free heat hard4| by our most monolith, |4|aupon aftera| my |abotha| earstoear |aand breechesa| buybuy bibles4| and public testify |4|aon white oatha|4| to my virtus by the longstone erection of our allfirst manhere. |4I should tell you that4| Honestly, on my honour of a Nearwicked, I always think |4(inº |athe words your wordsworthºa| of Shopkeeper)º4| as my best policy I have had my lesson and do you know, homesters, I honestly think |4ifº I have failed lamentably by accident benefits4| I have made good. |4Have I said how4| I abhor myself |4vastly,4| truth to tell, and do repent me |4to my nether heartº4| of |4sundry. sundry clothing?4| The amusin part is, I will say |4at my outskirts4| that since I ran a selection here |4in Hoplinstown under our good |aking Urban the First Kings about Urban First and Champaign Charlesa|4| where my toils of domestication first began famine has |4wellnigh teetotally4| receded from this landleague of many nations.
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|4Iº have built my hut in the night and at morn Iº was surrounded of mushroofs|a:º theº secretlyº bi builtº, the openly plastereda|.º Lo,º I have looked |alongºa| upon my |ablank pumpadearsa| in their loveliness and my drummers have told |atheir talla| tales of me in the land.º4| |4My sovereign has wherefore blank and he has given to me my neckname which is second |afiddlera| to nomen.4| Idle were it to inquire whether I be the mass product of |4team work team work, draggedasunder,4| or a forced outcome of group |4marriages marriages, huddledtogether,4| for, surrounded by obscurity, |4most surely4| I pretend by virtue of creation and by boon of promise my naturalborn freeman's |4journeyman4| right to opt for simultaneous. Amen. |4So be Hek!º4| |4Verily verily. Verity, verity.4|

— What is your numb? Bun!

— Who gave you that numb? Poo!

— Have you put in all your spare pennies? Sree!

— Keep clear of propennies! I'm listening. Kore!

Invisible friends! I maymay mean to say|4. Annoyinº part of it |ais wasa|,º4| had my faithful Fulvia, following the fashion of this world, turned her back on her ways to go on the hills in search of brunette men of |4Iraland Iarland4|, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw |4and Chief Brown Pool4|, or|4, again,º4| had |4she Fluvia4| left her crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some |4fisherfolk bywaymen4|
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who would have abused of her there might accrue advantage to ask. Yet know of old it was vastly otherwise as I heartily aver, for (4she Fulvia Fluvia 4) ever did ensue the (4things tinge4) that pertained unto fairness. Even (4so, so. Forº I waged love on me: and spoiled her undines: andº she wept.º O Lord. O my laws!4)

But I was firm with her. And I did take the hand of my delights, my jealousy, and did raft her riverworthily and did lead her overland the pace, whimpering by Kevin's port |4'and Hurdlesford4'| and |4Gardiner's Gardener's4| Mall to Ringsend Ferry
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: and there|4, on wavebrink,º4| did I uplift my magicianer's puntpole and I bade |4the those4| pollyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with himselves from os (rookwards, thou seasea stammerer!) and I abridged |4with domfineº Norsemanship4| her maiden race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly (4whenº with all my bawdy did I her worship, min bryllupswipe:º Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydaysº, he flung blizzforhers. and And I4) cast my tenspan joys on her by dint of strongbow, so strong we were in one, malestream and shegulf: and I thumbringed and tradesmanmarked her mine
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and I chained a name and wedlock round her the which to carry till her grave, my dirty deary: and I did encompass her about, my vermincelly vinegarette, with all loving kindness as far as in man's might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave |4unto until4| my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware and fine ladderproof hosiery lines and potted fleshmeats and pennigsworths of the best of taste of geegaws (4of my pretty novelties4) and wispy frocks (4of redferns and lauralworths4) such as women cattle (4wear wear, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourireº d'Hiver,º and a crinoline, wide unread a shire,4) and (4pattens for her trilibies for4) all daintiness by teatime: |4and I wound around my |aswanling's swanchen'sa| neckplace a school of unread of moyles marine to ring their sunread in her silence: and, upping her unread king's count,º I pierced her beak with order of the
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4| and I hung up |4at Yule4| my pigmy suns |4|aat Yulea|4| for the supperhour of my frigid one |4through all Livania4| from the topazolites of Mourne by Arklow's sapphire seamanslure and Waterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella:
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and I fed her, my carleen, my little lean steer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbyleek and swinespepper and gothakrauts: and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid I gave powlver and gentle oils for the swarthy face on her and handewers and loinscrubbers and a currycomb to tease her tuzzy out and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards: and |4forº my shopsoiled doveling4| I did devise my prizeless telltale sports at evenbread to wring her withers limberly, bray and spinado and ranter-go-round: and I built |4in Urbs in Rureº4| for mine elskede, my shiny brows, an earthcloset wherewithin to be quit in most convenience from her sabbath needs: and I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees her paddypalace on the crossknoll and I added thereunto a shallow laver to put out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane, may all have mossyhonours!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

And hail or rain or drizzle or sleet, |4with fairskin
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book and ruling rod
4| I did learn my little anna countrymouse in |4alphabeater alpabeaterº4| cameltemper, from alderbirch to tannenyou, with my rattan at her drum ooah oyir oyir oyir: and I did spread before my Livvy my selvage mats of softest lawn: and I planted for my own hot lass a vineyard and I fenced it about with |4huge4| Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops against budmonth and gleanermonth: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle (speakeasy!) my brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, the pusspuss pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways|4, my |anordsud nordsouda| circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore,4|
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whereon the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald Shetlands and skewbald Orkneys stepped lively for her pleashadure and she laughed |4at the switchering to the switcheries4| of the whip. |4Down with them! Kick! Playyup!º4|

— Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! |4Joahanahana! Joahanahanahana!4|