— Amtsadam, sirº, to you!º Eternest cittas, heil! Here we are again.º I am
bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties longº out of print, the first of
Shitric Shilkanbeard (or is it Owllaugh MacAuscullpth the Thord?), but, in pontofacts
massimust, I am known throughout the world whereverº my good Allenglischesº Angleslachsen is spoken by Sall and Will
from Augustanus to Ergastulus, asº this is,º whether in Farnum's rath or Condra's ridge or
the meadows of Dalkin or Monkish tunshep, by saints and sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and,
as a matter of fict,º by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually
kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my verawife I never was nor can afford to be guilty ofº
crimº crig conº of malfeasance trespassº against parson with the person of a youthful
gigirl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, |shand withº
Anyº of my cousinessh| in Kissilov's
Slutsgartern or Gigglotte's Hill,º when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe
onesº as it should prove most annieceº and far too bahad, nieceless to say, to
my reputation on Babbyl Malketº for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. Yet, as my acquainters do me the
complaisance of apprising me,º I should her have awristed under my duskguise of whippers through toombsº and deempeys, lagmen, was
she but tinkling of such a tink. And, as a mere matter of ficfect,º I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wifukie around the globelettes globes upon which
she was romping off on Floss Mundai out of haram's way round Skinner's circusalleyº first with her consolation prize in my
serial dreams of faireº women,º Mannequins Passe,º with awards in
|shfigure and smile subsectionssh|, handicapped by two breasts in
operatops,º aº remarkable little endowment garment. Fastened at various
places. What spurt! I kickkickº keenly love
such,º particularlyº while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope ayelips, as this is,º where I do drench my jolly soul on theº pu pureº beautyº of hers past.
She is my bestpreserved wholewife, sowell her as herafter, in Evans's eye,º with incompatibly the smallest
shoenumber outsideº chinatinsº. They are jolly dainty, spekinº tluly. May we not recommend
them? It was my proofpiece from my prenticeservingº. And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey,
bishopregionaryº, an always sadfaced man, in his lutestring pewcapeº with
tabinet band, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingersº, olsoº
haddock's fumb, inº that Upper Roomº can speak loud to you some quite
complimentary things about my clean charactering,º even when detectedº in the darkº, distressful
though such recital prove to me,º as this is,º when I introducedº her (Frankfurters, numborines, why drive fear?)º to our fourposter
tunies chantreying underº Castrucci Siniorº and De
Mellos,º those whapping oldsteirs, with sycamode euphonium
in either notation in our altogether cagehaused duckyheimºº on Goosna
Greene,º that cabinteenyº homesweetened through affection's hoardpayns (First Murkiss, or so they
sankeyed. Dodo! O Clearly! And Gregorio at front with Johannes far in back. Aw, aw!), gleeglomº
there'sº gnome sweepplacesº like theresweep Nowhergs.º By whom,
asº my Kerk Findlater's, ye litel chuch rond ye coner, and K. K. Katakasm enjoinethº in
the Belief and,º asº you all know, of a child, dear Humans,º one of my
life'sº ambitions of my youngendº from an early peepee period while still to
hedjeskool,º intended for broadchurch,º I, being fully alive to it,º
was parruchially confirmed in Caulofat'sº bed by our bujibuji beloved
curate-author.º Michael Engels is your man. Let Michael
relay Sutton and tell you people here who have the phoney habit (it wasº
remarketable)º in his clairaudience,º as this is,º as only our own Michael can, whenº reicherout at
superstation,º to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp amp amplify.
Hiemlancollin.º Pimpim's Ornery forninehalf.º Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen.º Holmstock
unsteaden. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying.º Big Butter Boost! Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall
Calº it off.º Godnotch, vryboily.º End a muddy crushmessº! Abbreciades anew York gustoms. Kyow!º Tak.º
— Tiktak. Tikkak.º
— Poor a coweº his jew placator.
— It's the damp damp damp.
—º Calm has entered. Big bigº Calm, announcer.º It is most ernst terooly
aº moresome intartenment.º Colt's tooth!º I will give tandsel to it. I protest there is
luttrelly not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bottomlie to myº babad,º as you shall see,º as
thisº is.º Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango º can take off my dududº dirtynine
articles of quoting here in Pynix Park before those in heaven to provost myself, by
gramercy of justness, I meanº verymanº and moremon, stiff and staunch for ever, andº enter under
the adviciesº from Misrs Norris, Southbyº, Yates and Weston, Inc,º to their favoured
client, intoº my preprotestant caveatº against the pupup publication of libel by any tixtim tipsyloon or
tobtomtowleyº of Keisserse Leanº (a bloweyed lanejoymt, waring lowbelt suit, with
knockbrecky kenees and bullfist rings round him and a fallse roude axehand (he is cunvesser to Saunter's Nocelettres and the Poe's Toffee's Directory in his pisness), the best begrudged man in
Belgradia who doth not belease to our paviour) to my nonesuch,º that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. So to speak of
beauty scoutsº in elegant pursuit of flowers, searchers forº tabernacles
and the celluloid art! Happen seen sore eynes belived? The caca cad!ºº
ººº º Heº walked by North Strandº with his
Thom's towel in hand.º Snakeeye! Strangler of soffiacated
green parrots! I protest it that he is,º by my wipehalfº.º He was leaving out of my double inns
while he was all teppling over my single ixits. So was keshaned onº for his recent behaviour. Sherlook is lorking for him. Allare
beltspanners.ººº Get your air curt! Shame upon Private M!º
Shames on his fulsomenessº! Shamus on his atkinscum's lulul lying
suulenº for an outcast mastiff littered in blood currish! Eristocrasº till Hanging Tower! Steck
a javelin through his advowtried heart! Instaunton! Flap, my Larrybird! Dangle, my highflyer! Jiggety jigº my
jackadandyline! Let me never see his waddphez again! And mine it was, Barktholed von Hunarig,º Soesown ofº Furrows (hourspringlike his joussture, immitiate my chry! as urs now, so yous then!),º when to our lot it fell on my poplarº Sexsex, my Sexencentaurnary, whenbyº Gateº of Hal, before his hostel of the Wodin Man,º I hestened to freeholdit op to hisº Mamº hisº Maman,º Majuscules,º His Magnus Maggerstick,º first city's leasekuays of this Nova Tara,º our most noble, when hrossbuckedº on his pricelist chargerº, Pferdinamdº Allibusterº (yeddonot need light oar till Norewayº for you fanned one o'erº every doorway)º with my allbum'sº greethims through this whole of my promises,º handshakey congrandyoulikethems,º ecclesency.ºº
Whosaw the jackery dares at handgripper thisa breast? Dose makkers ginger.º Some one we was with us all fours. Adversarian!º The spiking Duyvil! First liar inº Londsend!º Wulv! See youº scargore on that skeepsbrow! And those meisies! Sulken taarts! Man sicker at I ere bluffetº konservativeº? Shucks! Such ratshause bugsmess so I cannot barely conceive of! Lowest basemeant in hystry! Ibscenest nansence! Noksagt!º Per Peeler and Pawr!º The brokerheartened shugon!º Hole affair is rotten muckswinish porcupig's draff.º Enouch!
— Is that yu, Whitehedº?
— Have you headnoise now?
— Give us your mespilt reception, will yous?
— Pass the fish for Christ'sº sake!
—º Old Whitehowth he is speaking again. Ope Eustaceº tube! Pity poor whiteoathº! Dear goneº mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livedº true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O.W.º in this profundust snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs hoar, mummeryº failend, snowdrift to my ellpow, deff as Adder.º I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, three eats.º Myº freeandies, my celeberrimates:º my happy bossomsº, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Childers Everywhere with Mudder!
That was Communicatorº, a former colonel.ºº A
spirit,º called Sebastionº, fromº the Rivera in Januero,º (he is not all hear) mayº fernspreak shortly with messuages from my deadported.ºº Let us cheer him up a little and make an appunkment for a future date. Hello, Commudicateº!º How'sº the buttes? Everscepistic! He does not believe in our psychous of the Real Absence, neither miracle wheat nor soulsurgery of P. P. Quemby.º He has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while, confused by his tonguer of baubble. A wayº with him! Poor Felix Culapertº! Ring his mind, ye staples, (bonze!)º in my ould reekeries'º ballyheart andº in my krumlin and in aroundisements and stremmis! Sacks eleathury! Sacks eleathury!º Bam! I deplore over him ruely. Mongrieff! O Hone! Guestermed with the nobelities, to dieº bronxitic in achershous! So enjoying of old thick whiles,º in haute white toff's hoyt of our formed reflections,º with stock of eisen all his prop, soº buckely hosiered from the Royal Leg, and his puertos mugnum, heº wouldº puffout a dhymful bock.º And the how he would husband her that verikerfully, his cigare divane! (Heº would redden her with his vestas, but 'tis naught.)º With usº his nephos and his neberls,º mest incensed and befogged by him and his smoke thereof.º But he shall have his glad stein of our zober beerbest in Oscarshal's winetavern. Buen retiro!º The boyce voyce is still flautish and his mounth still wears that soldier'sº scarlet though the flaxafloyedsº are peppered with salsedine. It is bycauseº of what he was ascend into his prisonce on account off. Iº whit it welº. Hence hisº deepraised words.º Some day I may tell of his second storey. Mood! Mood! It looks like someone other bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Kanes nought.º
Well, yeamen, I have bared my whole past, I flatter myself, on both sides. Give me evenº two months by
laxlaw in second divisionº and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest to
Recorder at Thing of all Things, or court of Skivinis, with marchants grey, antient
andº credibel, Zerobubble Barrentone, Jonah Whalley, Determined Codde or Cucumber Upright,º my
jurats, if it does not occur again. O rhyme us! Haar Faagherº, wild heart in Homelan;º
Harrod'sº be theº naun. Mineº kinder come, mine wohl be
won.º There is nothing like leuther. O Sheeº! And nosty
mens in gladshouses they shad not peggotº stones. The elephant's house is his castle. I am here to tell you, indeed to goodness,º that, allbe I discountenanced beallpersuasions, inº rinunciniation ofº pomps of heretofore, with a wax too held in hand, I am thorgtfulldt to do dope me of herº miscisprinks and by virchow of those filthered Ovocnasº presentlyº like Browne umbracing Christina Anya, after the Irishers, toº convert me into a seltº (but first I must proxy babetise my old antenaughties),º when,ºº as Sigismond Stolterforth, withº Rabbin Robroostº for my auspicer and Leecher Rutty for myº lifearst and Lorencz Pattornº (Ehren tilº viktrae!), whenº I will westerneyes those poor sunuppers and outbreightenº their land's eng. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue gluecoseº,º peebles, were it even, as this is,º the legal eric forº infelicitous conduict (here incloths placefined my pocketanchoredcheck) and, as a matter of fact,º I undertakeº to discontinue entyrely all practices and I deny wholeswipingº in toto at my own request in all stoytness to have confermentated and confoederated and agreed in times prebellic,º when here were waders for the trainsfolk, as it is now nuggently laid to me,º with a friend from mine,º Mr Billups,º pulleter, my quarterbrotherº, who sometimes he is doing my locum for me on a grubstake andº whom I have cleped constoutuent,º for so it was felt by me, atº goodbuy cootcoopsº byusucapitureº a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster from Cherna Djamja, Blawlawnd-via-Brigstowº, or to illsell my fourth part in her, whichº although allowed of in Deuterogamy as in several places of Scripture (copyright)º and excluded books (they should quite rightlyº verbanned be), wouldº seem eggseggs excessively haroweenº to my feelimbsº forº twoº punt scotch, oneº pollard and a crockardº or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick's Flameº, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, enquickº me if so be I did cophetuise milady's maid, inº spect of her beavers she is a womanly and sacret.º Such wear a frillick for my comic strip,Monsº Meg's Monthly, comesº out aich Fanagan's Weck, toº bray at by clownsillies in Donkeybrook Fairº. Itº would lackin mackin Hodder's and Cocker's erithmatic.º The unpurdonable preempson
of all of her of yourn, by Juno Moneta! If she, irished Marryonn Teheresiann, has been disposed of for her consideration,º I, Ledwidge Salvatorious,º am tradefully unintiristid. And if she is still further talc slopping over her cocoa contours, I hwat mick angars,º am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Inprobable!º I do not credit one word of it from such and suchess mistraversers. Just feathers! Nanenities! Or to have ochtroyed to resolde or borrough by exchange same super melkkaart, means help;º best Brixtonº high yellow, no outings:º cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. 'Twereº a honnibel crudelty wert so tentement to their naktlives and scatab orgias we devour about in the mightyevil roohms of encientº cartageº. Utterly improperable! Not for oldº Crusos or white soul of gold!º A pipple on the panis, two claps on the cansill,º or three pockº pocks cassey knocked on the postern!º Not for one testey tickey culprik's coyndsº ore for all ecusº in cunziehowffse!º Soº hempº me Cash.º I meanit.
My herrings! The surdity of it! Ameanº to say. Her bare idears, itº is choochoo chucklesome.º Absurd
bargain, mum,º will call.º One lineº with! One line, withº with! Will ate everadayde saumone like a boyne alive O. The
tew cherripickers,º with their Catheringnettesº, Lizzy and Lissyº Mycockº from Street
Fleshshambles, were they moon at aube with hespermun and I their covin guardient, I would not know to contact such gretched youngsteys in my ways from Haddem or any suistersees or heiresses of
theirn,º claiming by, through,º or under them. Ous of their freiung pfann
into myne foyer.º Her is one which rassembled to mein enormally. The man what shocked his shanks at contey Carlow's. He is Deucollion. Each habe goheerd,º
uptakingº you are innersence,º but we sen you meet sose infance. Deucollion! Odor.º Evilling chimbes is smutsick rivulverblott but thee hard casted thereass pigstenes upann Congan's shootsmen in
Schottenhof, ekeascent? Igen Deucollion! I liked his Gothammº chic! Stuttertub! What a
shrubbery trick to play!º I will put my oathhead unner my whitepot for
ransom of beeves and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat between Pelagios and little
Chistayas by Roderick'sº our mostmonolith,º after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and, minhattonº, testify to my unclothed virtue by the longstone erectheion of our allfirst manhere. I should tell you that honestly,º on my honour of a Nearwicked,º I always thinkinº a wordworth'sº of that primed favourite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G., whom the generality admoyers in this that is and that this is to come.º Like asº my palmer'sº past policy I have had my best master's lessonsº, as the public he knows, andº do you know, homesters,º I honestly think, ifº I have failed lamentably by accident benefitsº though shintoed, spitefired, perplagued and cramkrieged,º I am doing my dids bits and have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sorthº in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohohoº! Have I said ogso how I abhorº myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repentº to my netherheartº of suntry clothing? The amusin part is,º I will say, hotelmen,º thatººº sinceº I,ººº over the deep drowner Athacleeath to seek again Irrlanding, shamed in mind, with three plunges of my ruddertail, yet not a bottlenim,º vanced imperial standard by weaponright and platzed mine residenze, taking bourd and burgage under starrymistyº and ran and operated my brixtolº selection here at thollstall,º for mean straits male with evorage fimmel, in commune soccageº amongº strange and enemy, among these plotlets,º inº Poplinstown, alore Fort Dunlip, then-on-seaº, hole of Serbonian bog, now city of magnificent distances, goodwalldabout, with talus and counterscarp and pale of palisades, upon martiell siegewin, with Abbot Warre to blesse, on yon slauchterday of cleantarriffs,º in that year which I have called myriabellous, and overdrave these marken (the soord on Whencehislaws was mine and mine the prusshing stock of Allbrecht the Bearn),º under patroonshaap of our good kingsinnturns,º T. R. H.º Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed, hereº where my tenenure of office and my toils of domestication first began,º with weight of woman my skat and skuld but Flukie of the Ravens as myº sure piloter, famine with Englisch sweat andº oppedemics, theº twotoothed
dragon wormsº with allsort serpents, has compolitely seceded fromº this landleagueº of many nations and openº and notorious naughty livers are found not on our rolls.º This seat of our city it is of all sides pleasant, comfortable and wholesome. If you would traverse hills, they are not far off. If champain land, it lieth of all parts. If you would be delited with fresh water, the famous river, called of Ptolemy the Libnia Labia,º runneth fast by. If you will take the view of the sea, it is at hand. Give heed!
— Do Drumcollogher whatever you do!º
— Visitez Drumcollogher-la-Belle!
— Be suke and sie so ersedº Drumcollogher!
— Vedi Drumcollogher e poi Moonis.º
—º Things are not as they were.º Let me briefly survey. Pro clam a
shunº! Pip! Peep! Pipitch! Ubipop jay piped, ibipep goes the whistle. Hereº Tyeburn throttled, massed murmarsº marchº:
whereº the bus stopsº there shop I: here which ye see,º yea reste.º On me, your
sleeping giant. Estoesto! Estote sunto! From the hold of my capt in altitude till the mortification that's my fate.
The end ofº aldest mosest ist the beginning of all thisorder so the last of their hansbailis shall the first in our
sheriffsby.º New highs for all! Redu Negru may beº black in tawn but under them lintels are staying my horneymen meet each his
mansiemagd. For peers and gints, quaysirs and galleyliers, fresk letties from the say and
stale headygabblers,º gaingangers and dudder wagoners, pullars off societies andº
pushers on rothmere'sº homes. Obeyance from the townsmen spills felixityº by the toun. Ourº
bourse and politico-ecomedyº are in safe with good Jock Shepherd,º our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans,º
wild and great.º Been so free! Thank you,º besters! Hattentats have mindered.
Blaublazeº devilbobs have gone from the mode and hairtrigger nicks are quite out of time now. Thuggeriesº are
reere as glovars' metins, lepers lack, ignerantsº show beneath suspicionº
like the bitterhalves of esculapuloids. In midday'sº mallsight let Miledd discurverself.º Me luddº in her hide park seek Minuinetteº. All is
waldyº bonums. Blownose aeriosº we luft to you! Firebugs,º good blazes! Lubbersº, keppº your poudies drier!
Seamen, we segn your skivs and wives.º
º Seven ills so barelyº as centripunts havd I habt,º seaventy seavens for circumference inkeptive are your hill prospect. Braidº Blackfordrock, the Calton, the Liberton, Craig and Lockhart's, A. Costofino, R. Thursittº. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dome on the wherewithouts of Michan: by awful tors my wellworthº building sprang sky spearingº spires, cloud cupoled campaniles: furtherº this. By fineounce and imposts I got andº grew and by grossscruple gat I grown outreachesly: murageº andº lestage were my mains for Ouerlord's tithing andº my drains for render and prender the doles and the tribute:º I was merely out of my mintº with all the percussors on my braincap till I struck for myself and muched morely by token: to Sirrherr of Gambledenºº ruddy money,º to Madame of Pitymount I loue yous. Paybadsº floriners moved in hugheknots against us and I matt them, pepst to papst, barthelemew:º milreys (mark!)º onfell,º and (Luc!)º I aroseº Daniel in Leonden. Bulafests onvied me, Corkcuttas graatchedº. Atabey! º ºº I braved Brien Berueme to berow him against the Loughlins, all her tolkies shraking: Fugabollags! Lusqu'au boutº! Ifº they had ire back of eyeball they got danage on front tooth: theres were revelries at ridottos, here was rivalry in redoubt:º I wegschicked Duke Wellinghof to reshockle Roy Shackleton: Walhalloo, Walhalloo, Walhalloo, mourn in plein! Underº law's marshall and warschouw did I thole till lead's plumbate, ping on pang, reliefed me. I made praharfeast upon acorpolous and fastbroke downº in Neederthorpe. I let faireviews in on slobodensº but ranked rothgardes round wrathmindsers: I bathandbaddend on mendicity and I corocuredº off the unoculated. Who canº tell their tale whom I filled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury? With three hunkered peepers and twa and twas!º For sleeking beauties I spinned their nightinveils, to slumbred beastº I tummed the thiefº air.º Round the musky moved a murmelº but mewses whinninaird and belluas zoomed:º tendulcis tunes like water parted fluted up from the westinders while from gorges in the east came the strife of ourangoontangues. Allº in my thicville Escuterre ofen was thorough fear but in the meckling of my burghº Belvaros was the site forbed:º º ººº tuberclerosies I
reized spudfully from the murphyplantz Hawkinsoniaº andº berriberries from the pletoras of the Irish shou.º I heard my libertilandsº making freeº through their curraghcoombs,º my trueblues hurusalamingº before Wailingtone's Wall: º º I richmounded the rainelag in my bathtubº of roundwood and conveyed it with cheers and cables, roaringº mighty shouts,º through my longertubes of elm:º out of fundness for the outozone I carried them amd curried them in my Putzemdown cars to my Kommeandine hotels:º I made sprouts fontaneously from Philuppe Sobriety in the coupe that's cheyned for noon inebriates: when they weaned weary of that bibbing I made infusion more infused:º sowerpacers of the vinegarth, obtemperate unto me! Whenº you think me in my coppeecuffs look in wareº wouldº you meckamockame, as you pay in caabman'sº sheltar tot the ites like you corss the tees. Wherefore watch ye well! For,º while I oplookedº the first of Janus's straight, I downsaw the last of Christmas steps: syndic podestrilº and on the rates, I for indigent and intendente: inº Forum Foster I demosthrenatedº my folksfiendship,º enmy pupuls felt my burk was no worse than their brite: Sapphrageta and Consciencia were undecidedly attached to me but the maugher machrees and the auntieparthenopes my schwalby words with litted spongelets set their soakye pokeysº and botchbonsº afume: Fletcher-Flemmings, elisabothº, how interquackeringly they rogated me, their golden one, I inhesitantº made replique: Mesdememdes to leursieuresponsor: andº who in hillsaide, don'tº you let flyfire till you see their whites of the bunkers' eyes!º Mr Answers: Brimgemº young, bringem young, bringem young!:º in my bethel of Solyman's I accouched their rotundaties and I turnkeyed most insultantly over raped lutetiasº in the lock:º I gave bax ofº biscums to the jacobeaters and pottage bakes to the esausted;º I dehlivered them with freakandesias by the constant droppings from my smalls instalmonths while I titfortotalled up their farinadays for them on my slataper's slate with my chandner's chauk:º I jaunted on my jingelbrett rapt in neckloth and sashes,º and I beggeredº about the amnibushes like belly in a bowle.º In the humanity of my heart I sentº out heyweywomenº to refresh
the ballwearied and then, doubling megalopolitan poleetness, my great great greatest of these charities, devaleurised the base fellows for the curtailment of their lower man:º with a slog to square leg I sent my boundary to Botany Bayº and I ran up a score and four of mes while the Yanksº were huckling the Empire:º I have been reciping om omominous lettersº and widelysigned petitions full of pieces of pottery about my monumentalness as a thingabolls and I have beenº inchanting causeries to the feshest cheoilboysº so that they are allcalling on me for the song of a birtch:º the more secretely bi built, the more openly palastered.º Attent! Couch hear! I have becket my vonderbilt hutch in sunsmidnought and at morningriseº was encampassed of mushroofs.ºº º ºº Rest and bethinkful, with licence, thanks. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory.ºººº And this.º This missy,º my taughters,º and these man,º my son, from my fief of the villaº of the Ostmanorumº to Thorstan's,º recte Thomars Sraid,º and from Huggin Pleaze to William Inglis his house,º that man de Loundres, in all their barony of Saltus, bonders and foeburghers, helots and zelots, strutting oges andº swaggering macks, the darsy jeamses, the drury joneses, redmaids and bleucottsº, in hommage all andº felony, all who have received tickets,º fair home overcrowded, tidy but very little furniture, respectable, whole family attends daily massº and is dead sickº of bread and butter, sometime in the militia, mentally strained from reading work on Germanº physics, shares closet with eight other dwellings, more than respectable, getting comfortable parish relief, wageearnerº freshly shaven from prison, highly respectable, planning new departure in mountgomeryº cyclefinishing, eldest son will not serve but peruses Big-man-up-in-the-Skyº scraps, anoopanadoon lacking backway, quasi respectable, pays ragman in bones for faded windowcurtains, staircase continually lit up with guests, particularly respectable, house lost in dirt and blocked with refuse, getting on like Roe'sº distillery on fire, slovenly wife active with the jug, in business for himself, has a tenth illegitimate coming, partly respectable, following correspondence courses, chucked work over row, both
cheeks kissed at levee by late marquess of Zetland, sharing closet which is profusely written over with eleven other subscribers, once respectable, open hallwayº pungent of Baltic dishes, bangs kept woman's head against wall thereby disturbing neighbours, private chapel occupies return landing, removal every other quarter day, case one of peculiar hopelessness, most respectable, nightsoilº has to be removed through snoring household, eccentricº naval officer not quite steady enjoys weekly churchwarden and laugh while reading foreign pictorialsº on clumpstumpº before door, known as the trap, widow rheumaticº and chars, haunted, condemned and execrated, of dubious respectability, tools too costly pledged or uninsured, reformed philanthropist whenever feasibleº takes advantage of unfortunates against dilapidating ashpits, serious student is eating his last dinners, floor dangerous for unaccompanied old clergymen, thoroughly respectable, many uncut pious books in evidence, nearest watertapº two hundred yards'º run away, fowlº and bottled gooseberry frequently on table, man has not had boots off for twelve months, infant being taught to hammer flat piano, outwardly respectable, sometimes hears from titled connection, one foot of dust between banister and cracked wall, wife cleans stools, eminently respectable, ottawark and regular loafer, should be operatedº would she consent, deplorable rent in roof, claret cellar cobwebbed since the pontificate of Leo, wears drill trousers and collects rare buddhas, underages very treacly and verminous have to be separated, sits up with fevercasesº for one and threepence, owns two terraces (back to back breeze), respectable in every way, harmless imbecile supposingly weakminded, a sausage every Sunday, has a staff of eight servants, outlook marred by ne'er-do-wells |shusing the lanewaysh|, lieabed sons go out with sisters immediately after dark, has never seen the sea, travels always with her eleven trunks of clothing, starving cat left in disgust, the pink of respectability, resting after colonial service, labours at plant, the despair of his many benefactresses, calories exclusively from rowntreesº and dumplingsº, one bar of sunlight does them all january and half februaryº, the V. de V's (animal diet) live in fivestoriedº
semidetached but rarely pay tradesmen, went security for friend who absconded, shares same closet with fourteen similar cottages and an illfamed lodginghouseº, more respectable than some, teawidow pension but held to purchase, inherited silk hat from father-in-law, head of domestic economy never mentioned, queeryº how they live, reputed to procure, last four occupants carried out, mental companionship with mates only, respectability unsuccessfully aimed at, copious holes emitting mice, decoration from Uganda chief in locked ivory casket, grandmother has advanced alcoholic amblyopia, the terror of Goodmen's Fieldº, and respected and respectable, as respectable as respectable can respectably be, though their orable amission were the herrors I could have expected, all,º let them all come,º they are my villeins, withº chartularies I have talledged them.ºº Wherfor I will and firmly command, as I willed and firmly commanded, upon my royal wordº and cause the great seal now to be affixed, that from the farthest of the farther of their fathers to their children's children'sº children they do inhabit it and hold it for me unencumbered and my heirs,ºº firmly and quietly, amply and honestly, and with all the liberties and free customs which the men of Tolbris, a city of Tolbris,º have at Tolbris, in the county of their city and through whole my land. Hereto my vouchers,º kniveº and snuffbuchs. Fee for farm. Enwreakº us wrecks.
Strugglingº forlongs I have livramentoed, millesº on milles of mancipelles.º Lo, I have looked upon my pumpadears in their easancies and my drummers have
tattled tall tales of me in the land:ºº inº morgenattics litt I hope,º in seralcellars louched I
bleakmealers:º on my siege of my mightyº I was parciful of my subjectº but in street wauksº
that are darkest I debelledemº superb: I deemed the drugtails in my pettycourts and domstered dustyfeets in my
husinclose:º at Guy'sº they were swathed, at Foulke'sº slashed, the game for a Gomezº, the loy for a
lynch:º if I was magmonimoss as staidy lavgiver I revolucanized by my eructions:º theº hye and bye wayseeds I scattered em, in my
graben fields sew sowage I gathered em:º in Sheridan's Circle my wits
repose,º in black pitts of the pestered Lenfant he isº dummed. (Heartsº of Oak, may ye root to
Rechabitesº obstain! Clayed sheets, pineshrouded, wake not, walk not!º Sigh lento, Morgh!)ºº Quo warrantoº has his greatsº my soliven and puissant lord V. kingº regards for me and he has given to me my necknamesh (flister it!)º which is second fiddler to nomen. These be my genteelician arms. At the crest, two young frish, etoiled, flappant,º devoiledº of their habiliments, vested sable, withdrewers argent. For the bossº a coleopterº, pondant, partifesswiseº, blazoned sinister, at the slough, proper. In the lower fieldº a terce of lanciers, shaking unsheathed shafts, their arms crossedº in saltire, embusked, sinople. Motto, in letters portent: Hery Crass Evohodie.º Idle were it, repassing from elserground to the elder disposition,ºº to inquire whether I, draggedasunder,º be the forced generation of group marriage, holocryptogam, of my essenes, or carried of cloud from land of locust, in ouzel galley borne, I, huddled til summone be the massproduct of teamwork,º º ººº three surtouts wripped up in itchother's, two twinº pritticoaxes lived as one, troubled in trine or dubildin too, forºº abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans, ofº Feejeean grafted ape on merfishº, surrounded by obscurity,ºº byº my virtus of creation and by boon of promise,º by my natural bornº freeman's journeymanrightº and my otherchurch's inher light, in so and such a manner as me it so besitteth,º most surely I pretend and reclam toº opt for simultaneous. Till daybowbreakº and showshadows flee. Thus be hek.º Verily! Verily!º Time, place!
— What is your numb? Bun!º
— Who gave you that numb? Poo!º
— Have you put in all your sparepenniesº? I'm listening. Sree!º
— Keep clear of propennies!º Fore!º
—º Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimmº and invisible friends!º I maymay mean to say. Annoyinº part of it was,º
hadº faithful Fulvia, followingº the wiening courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to
gonº on uphills upon search of louvers, brunette men of
Earalend, Chief North Paw and Chief Goes in Black Water and Chief Brown Pool and Chief Night
Cloud by the Deeps,º or againº had Fluvia, amberº whitch she was,
left her chivily crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some prolling bywaymen
from Moabit who couldº have abused of her, the foxrogues, there might accrue advantage to ask wher in pellmell her deceivers sinned. Yet knowº it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by mmummy goods waif,º asº I, chieflyº endmost hartyly aver,º for Fulvia Fluvia, iddle woman to the plusneeborn, ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairnesseº, this wharom I am fawned on, that which was loost. Even so, forº I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines. Andº she wept:º O my lors!
—º Butº I was firm with her. Andº I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy,
ymashkt, beyashmakt, earswathed, snoutsnooded,º and did raft her flumingworthily and did leftlead herº
overland the pace, from lacksleapº up to liffsloup,
tiding down, as portreeve should,º whimpering by Kevin's creekº and Hurdlesfordº and
Gardener's Mall, long rivierside driveº, embankment large, to Ringsend Flott and Ferry, where she began to bump
a little bit, my dart to throw:º and there, byº wavebrink,º on strond of south,º with mace to masthigh, taillas
Cowhowling, quailless Highjakes, did I upreizedº my magicianer's puntpole, the tridont sired a tritan
stock, farruler, and I bade those polyfizzyboisterousº seas
to retire with hemselves from osº (rookwardsº, thou seasea stamoror!) and I abridged with domfineº norsemanship till I had
done abate her maidan race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly whenº with all my bawdy did I her whorshipº, min
bryllupswibe:º Heaven, he hallthundered,º Heydays, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her, arsched overtupped, from bank of call to
echobank, by dint of strongbow (Galata! Galata!)º so streng we were in one,º malestream in
shegulf:º and to ringstresse I thumbed her with iern of Erin º and tradesmanmarked her lieflang mine for all and singular,
iday, igone, imorgans,º and for ervigheds:ºbase your peak, you! you, strike
your flag!: (whatº screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!):º
º from Livland,º hoksº zivios, from Lettland,º skall vives!º Withº Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphsº and the singing sands for herbrides'º music: goosegaze annoynted uns, canailles canzonedº and meº to she her shyblumes lifted:º and Iº pudd a name andº wedlock boltoned round her the which to carry till her grave,º my durdin dearlyº, Appia Lippia Pluviabilla, whilesº I herr lifer amstell and been:º I chained her chastemate to grippe fiuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her hochsized, her cleavuntoº, her everest, she was my annieº, my lauralad,º my pisoved:º who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes?º who expoused that havenliness to beachalured ankerrides when not I,º freipforter?:º in trinity huts they met my dame,º pick of their poke for me: when I foregatherº 'twas my sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list: hadº I not workit in my cattagut with dogshunds' crotts to cleneº and had I not giftedº of my coataways, constantonoble's aim:º and, fortiffed by my right as man of capitol,º I didº umgyrdle her about, my vermincelly vinagerette,º with all loving kindnessº as far as in man's might it lay andº enfranchised her to liberties of fringes:º and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware (catalogue, passimº) andº ladderproof hosiery lines (see stockinger'sº raiment), cocquetteº coiffs (see Agnes' hats) and peningsworthsº of the bestº taste of knaggs ofº jets and silvered waterroses and geegawsº of my pretty novelties and wispywaspy frocksº º of redferns and lauralworths,º trancepearances suchº as women cattleº bare and peltries piled,º the peak of Pim's and Slyne's and Sparrow's, loomends day lumineusedº luxories on looks, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourireº d'Hiverº and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies that know she might the tortuours of the boots and bedes of wampun with to toy and a murcery glaze of shard to mirrow,º for all daintinessº by me and theetime, the cupandnaggin hour:º and I wound around my swanchen's neckplace a school of shellsº of moyles marine to swing their saysangs in her silents: and, upping her atº king's count,º her aldritch cry oloss unheading, what though exceeding bitter, I pierced her beak with order of the
Danabrog (Cunnig's great! Soll leve! Soll leve!):º with mare's greeseº cressets at Leonard's and Dunphy's andº Madonna lanthorns before quintacasas and tallonkindles spearhead syngeing nickendbookers and mhutton lightburnes dipdippingdownes in blackholes, the tapers of the topers and his buntingpall at hoist:º for days there was no night for nights were days and our folk had rest from Blackheathenº and the pagans from the prince of pacis: what was trembling sod quaked no more,º what wereº frozen loins were stirred and lived: gone the septuor, dark deadly dismal doleful desolate dreadful desperate, no more the tolvmaans, bloody gloomy hideous fearful furious alarming terribleº mournful sorrowful frightful appalling: peace,º perfect peace: and I hung up at Yuleº my duindleeng lunas, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the souperhore of my frigidº one, coloumba mea, frimosa mea,º in Wastewindy tarred strateº and Elgin's marble hallesº lamping limp from black to block, through all Livania's volted ampire,º fromº anodesº to cathodes and from the topazolites of Mourne,º Wykinloeflare, by Arklow's sapphire siomen's lure and Wexterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella:º avenyue ceen my peurls ahumming, the crown to my estuarine munipicence?:º threeº firths of the sea I swept with draughtness and all ennempties I bottled em up in bellomport:º whenº I stabmarooned jack and maturin I was a bad boy's bogey but it was when I went on to sankt piotersbarq that they gave my devil his dues: what is seizer can hack in the old wold a sawyer may hew in the green: on the island of Breasil the wildth of me perished and I took my plowshure sadly, feeling pity for me sored: where bold O'Connee weds on Alta Mahar, the tawny sprawlingº beside that silver burn, I sate me and settled with the little crither of my hearth: her intellects I charmed with I calle them utile thoughts,º her turlyhyde I plumped with potatums for amiens pease in plenty:º my biblous beadells shewed her triumphs of craftygild pageantries,º loftust Adam,º duffed our cousterclother, Conn and Owel with cortoppled baskib, Sireº Noeh Guinnass,º exposant of his bargenessº and Lordº Joe Starr to hump the body of the camell:º I screwed the Emperor down with ninepins gaelic with sixpennyhapennies
for his hanger on: my worthies were bissed and trissed from Joshua to Godfrey but my processusº prophetarum they would have plauded to perpetuation. Moral: book to besure,º see press.
— He's not all buum and bully.
— But his members handly food him.
— Steving's grain for's greet collegtium.º
— The S. S.º Paudraic'sº in the harbour.º
—º And after these things, I fed her, my carlen, my barelean linsteer, upon spiceries for her garbage
breath, italics of knobby lauchº and the rich morsel of the marroleboneº and shains of garleeks and swinespepper and gothakrautsº and pinkee dillisks, primes
of meshallehsº and subletiesº in jellywork,º come the feast of
Saintº Pancreas,º and shortcake nutrients for
Paas and Pingster's pudding, bready and nutalledº and potted fleshmeats from
storeº dampkookin,º and the drugs of Kafa and
Jelupaº and shallots out of Ascalon, feeding her food convenient herfor, to pass
themº into earth:º and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid, the skinsyg, I gave
Biorwik's powlver and Uliv'sº oils, unguentsº of cuticure, for the swarthy searchall's
face on her, withº handewers and groinscrubbers and a carrycam to teazeº her tussyº out, the brown
but combly,º aº mopsa's broom to duist her sate,º and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards (amazing
efficiencies!):º and,º my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness kinlyº civicised, in our saloons
esquirial, withº fineglas bowbays, draped embrasuresº and giltedged librariums,º I did devise
myº telltale sports atº evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbangº, drapier-cut-dean, bray, nap,
spinado and ranter-go-round:º we had our lewd mayers
and our lairdie meiresses kiotowing and smulingº fullface on us out of their framous latenesses, oilclothed over
for cohabitation and allpointed by Hind:º Tamlane the Cussacke, Dirk Wettingstone, Pieterº Stuyvesant, Outlawrie O'Niell, Mrs Currens, Mrs
Reyson-Figgis, Mrs Dattery,º and Mrs Pruny-Quetch: in hym we trust, footwash and sects
principles,º apply to overseer,º Amos five six: she had dabblingtime for exhibiting her grace of aljambras and duncingk the bloodanoobs in her
vauxhallsº while I, dizzed and dazed by the lumpty thumpty of our
interloopings, fell clocksure off my ballast:º inº our windtor palast it vampared forº elenders,º we lubded Surº Gudd for the sleep and the ghoastsº: she chauffed her fuesiesº at my Wigan's jewels while she skalded herº mermeries on my Snorryson's Sagos:º in paycook's thronsaale she domineered,º lecking icies off the dormer panes all admired her in camises: on Rideau Row Duanna dwells, you merk well what you see:º let wellth were I our pantocreator would theirs be tights for the gods:º in littleritt reddinghats and cindery yellows and tinsel and glitter and bibs under hoods: I made nusance of many well pressed champdamors and peddled freely in the scrub: Iº foredreamed for theeº andº more than fullmaked:º I prevened for theeº in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a-leavesº for sturdy traemen:º pelves ad hombres sumus:º I said to the shiftless prostitute;º letº me be your fodder; and to rodiesº and prater brothers;º Chau,º Camerade!:º evangelº of good tidings, omnient as the Healer's word, for the lost, loathsome and whomsoever will:º who, in regimentation through liberal donation in coordination for organisation of their installation and augmentation plus some annexation and amplification without precipitation towards the culmination in latification of what was formerly their utter privation, competence, cheerfulness, usefulness and the meed, shall,º in their second adams,º all be made alive:ºº my tow tugs steered down canal grand, my lighters lay longside on Regalia Water.º Andº I built in Urbs in Rure,º for minne elskede, my shiny brows, under astrolobe from my upservatory, an erdcloset with showne ejector wherewithin to be squatquit in most covenienceº from her sabbathº needs, when open noise should stilled be: did not I festfix with mortarboard my unniversiriesº, whollyº rational and gottalike, sophister agen sorefisterº, life sizars all?:º was I notº rosetted on two stellasº of little egypt?º had not Iº rockcut readersº, hieros, gregos and democriticos?: triscastellated, bimedallised:º and by my sevendialledº changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not Iº to pass through twelveº Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight?:º myº camels'º walk, kolossa kolossa!º no porte sublimer benared my ghates:º Oi polled ye manyº but my fews were chousen (Voterº, voter, early voter,
he was never too oft for old Sarum):º terminals four my staties were, the Geenar, the Greasouwea, the Debwickweck, the Mifgreawis.º Andº I septº up twinminsters, the pro and the con, my stavekirks wove so norcely of peeled wands and attachatouchyº floodmud, now all loosebrick andº stonefest, freely masoned, arkedº forº covennantersº and shinners' rifuge:º descentº from above on us, Hagiasofia of Astralia, our orisons thy nave and absedes, our aeone tone aeones thy studvaast vault;º Hams, circuitise! Shemites,º retrace!:º horns,º hush! no barkeysº! hereround is't holied!:º all truanttrullsº made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, gowgow:º Cassels, Redmond, Gandon, Deane, Shepperd, Smyth, Neville, Heaton, Stoney,º Foley, Farrellº, Vnostº with Thorneycroft and Hogan too:º sprids serve me!º gobelins guard!:º tectº my tileries (O tribes! O gentes!),º keep my keep, the peace of my four great ways:º oathioseº infernalsº to Boothº Salvation,º arcaneº celestialsº to Sweatenburgsº Welhell! My seven wynds I trailed to maze her and ever a wynd had saving closes and all these closes flagged with the gust, hoops for her, hatsoff for him and ruffles through Neeblow's garding: and that was why Blabus was razing his wall and eltering the suzannes of his nighboors:º and thirdly, for ewigsº, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees, my sweet coolockedº, my auburn coyquailing one, her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell, sixtonº clashcloshant,º duominous and muezzatinties to commind the fitful: doom adimdim adoom adimadim:º and the oragel of the lauds to tellforth'sº glory: andº added thereunto a shallow laver to slub out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house: gospelly pewmillieu, christous pewmillieu:ºº zackbutts babazounded,º ollguns tararulled: and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane. May all have mossyhonours!
—º And wholehail,º snaeffellº, dreardrizzle or sleetshowers of blessing,º
whereº it froze in chalix eller swum in the vestry, with fairskin
book and ruling rod, veinº of my vergin page, her chastener everº I did learn my little anaº countrymouse in alphabeaterº cameltemper,º from alderbirk to tannenyou,º withº myraw rattan atter dundrum;º ooah, oyir, oyir, oyir:ºººººº ºº andº Iº did spread before my Livvy, whereº Lord streetº lolls and ladies linger and Cammomileº Pass cuts Primrose Riseº and Coney Bend bounds Mulbreys Islandº but never a blid had bledded or bludded since long agore when the whole blighty acre was bladey well pessovered,º my selvage mats of lecheworked lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon Cityº, with chopes pyramidous and mousselimesº and beaconphires andº colossets and pensilled turissesº for the busspleaches of the summiramiesº and esplanadas and statuesquesº and templeogues,º the Pardonellº of Maynooth, Fra Teobaldo, Nielsen, rare admirable, Jean de Porteleau, Conall Gretecloke, Guglielmus Caulis and the eiligh ediculous Passivucant (glorietta's inexcellsiored!):º for irkdays and for folliedays till the comple anniums of calendarias, gregoromaios and gypsyjuliennesº as such are pleased of theirs to walk: and I planted for my own hot lisbing lass a quickset vineyardº and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops and rigs of barlow and bowery nooks and greenwished villas and pampos animosº and (N.I.) necessitades iglesiasº and pons for aguaducks:º a hawthorndene, a feyrieglenn, the hallaw vall, the dyrchace, Finmark's Howeº,º againstº lickybudmonthº and gleanermonthº with a magicscene wall (rimrim! rimrim!) for a Queen's gardenº of her phoenixº: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle, wigwarming wench, (speakeasy!)º my granvilled brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener,º puss, puss,º pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters toº my eblanite my stony batteredº waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore, running boullowardsº and syddenly parading,º (hearsemen, opslo! nuptiallers, get storting!):º whereon, in mantram of truemen like yahoomen (expectº till dutc cundoctor summoneth him all fahrts to pay, velkommen all hankinhunkn in this vongnº of Hoseyeh!),º claudesdales witheº arabinstreeds, Roamer Reich's rickyshaws with Hispain's King'sº trompateers,º madridden mustangs,
buckarestive bronchos,º poster shaysº and turnintaxis, andº tall tall tilburys and nod nod noddies, others gigging gaily, some sedated in sedans:º my priccoping gents,º aroger, aroger, my damsells softsidesaddled,º covertly, covertly,º and Lawdy Dawe a perch behind:º the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald shjelties and skewbald awknees steppit lively (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!) for her pleashadure:º and she lalaughedº in her diddydid dominoº to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playup!º
º Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!