Revised pages of Haveth Childers Everywhere (Babou and Kahane, 1930) for the Faber reprint, 1931, §3B draft level 16
MS British Library 47484b 501, missing Draft details
— Amtsadam! Sir, to you! Eternest cittas, heil! Here we are again! I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long since out of print, the first of Shitric Shilkanbeard (or is it Owllaugh MacAuscullpth the Thord?), but, in pontofacts massimust, I am known throughout the world wherever my good Allenglisches' Angleslachsen is spoken by Sall and Will from Augustanus
to Ergastulus, as this is, whether in Farnum's rath or Condra's ridge or the meadows of Dalkin or Monkish tunshep, by saints and
sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of fict, by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my verawife I never was nor can afford to be guilty of breach, crim crig con, malfeasance or trespass against parson with the person of a youthful gigirl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, in Kissilov's Slutsgartern or Gigglotte's Hill, when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe ones, as it should prove most unniece and far too bahad, nieceless to say, to my reputation on Babbyl Malket for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. I should her have awristed under my duskguise of whippers through toombs and deempeys, lagmen, was she but tinkling of such a tink. And, as a mere matter of ficfact, I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wifukie around the globelettes globes upon which she was romping off on Floss Mundai out of haram's way round Skinner's Circusalley first with her consolation prize in my serial dreams of fair women, Mannequins Passe, handicapped by two breasts in operatops. A remarkable little endowment garment. Fastened at various places. What spurt! I kickkick keenly love
such, particularly while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope ayelips, as this is, where I do drench my jolly soul on the pupure beauty of hers past.
She is my bestpreserved wholewife, sowell her as herafter, in Evans's eye, with incompatibly the smallest shoenumber outside of Chinatins. They are jolly dainty, spekin tluly. May we not recommend them? It was my proofpiece from my prenticeserving. And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey, bishopregionary, an always sadfaced man, in his lutestring dewcape with tabinet band,
who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingers, olso haddock's fumb, in that Upper Room, can speak loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean characteracting even, when detected, in the dusk, distressful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her (frankfurters numbourines why drive fear!) to our fourposter
(16tunis tunies16) chantreying, under Castrucci Sinior and De Mellos, those whapping oldsteirs, with sycamode euphonium in either notation in our altogether cagehaused duckkyheim gleegloom on Goosna Greene, that
cabinteeny homesweetened through affection's hoardpayns, there's gnome sweeplaces like theresweep Nowhergs. First Murkiss, or so they sankeyed. Dodo! O Clearly! And the gregorio at front with Johannes far in back. Aw aw! By whom, as my Kerk Findlater's, ye litel chuch rond ye coner,
and K. K. Katakasm enjoineth upon all swaddlered in the Belief and as you all know as a matter of pure fact, dear humans, of a child one of my life's ambitions of my yougend from an early peepee period while still to hedjeskool, intended for broadchurch, I was parruchially confirmed in Caulofat's bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Engels is your man. Let Michael relay Sutton and tell you people here who have the phoney habit (it was remarketable) in his clairaudience, as this is, as only our own Michael can, when reicherout at superstation, to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp amp amplify. Hiemlancollin. Pimpim's Ornery fortninehalf. Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen. Holmstock unsteaden. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying. Big Butter Boost! Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall fortoday.
Call it off! Godnotch, vrybolly! End a muddy chrushmess! Abbreciades anew York gustoms. Kyow! Tak!
— Tiktak. Tiktak.
— Awind abuzz awater falling.
— Poor a cows his jew placator.
— It's the damp damp damp.
Calm has entered. Big Big Calm, announcer! It is ernst terooly a most moresome intartenmont! Colt's tooth! I will give tandsel to it. I protest there is luttrelly not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bottomlie to my babad, as you shall see, as this is, Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango I can take off my dudud my dirtynine articles of quoting here in Pynix Park
before those in heaven to provost myself by gramercy of justness a virgoman and moremon, stiff and staunch for ever, and enter under the advicies to their favoured client from Misrs Norris, Sotheby, Yates and Weston, Inc, into my preprotestant Caveat against the pupup publication of libel by any tix tipsyloon or tobtom towley of Keisserse Lean to that highest personage at moments holding
down the throne. So to speak of beauty scouts in elegant pursuit of flowers, searchers for tabernacles and the celluloid art! Happen seen sore eynes belived? The caca cad! A bloweyed lanejoynt, waring lowbelt suit, with knockbrecky kenees and bullfist rings round him and a fallse roude axehand (he is cunvesser to Saunter's Nocelettres and the Poe's Toffee's Directory in his
pisness), the best begrudged man in Belgradia, who doth not belease to our paviour, he walked by North Strand with his Thom's towel in hand. Snakeeye! Strangler of soffiacated green parrots! I protest it that he is, by my wipehalf, my nomesuch! He was leaving out of my double inns while he was all teppling over my single ixits. So was keshaned on for his recent behaviour. Sherlook is
(16lorkin lorking16) for him. Allare beltspanners! Hourspringlike his joussture, immitiate
my chry! As urs now, so yous then! Get your air curt! Shame upon pipip Private M—! Shames on his foulsomeness! Shamus on his atkinscum's lulul lying suulen for an outcast mastiff littered in blood currish! Erestocrass till Hanging Tower! Steck a javelin through his advowtried heart! Instaunton! Flap, my Larrybird! Dangle, my highflyer! Jiggety jig, my
jackadandyline! Let me never see his waddphez again! And mine it was, Barktholed von Hunarig, Soesown af Furrows, when to our lot it fell on my poplar Sexsex, my Sexencentaurnary, when by gate of Hal, before his hostel of the Wodin Man, I hestened to freeholdit op to His Mam His Mamam Majuscules His Magnus Maggerstick first city's leasekuays of this Nova Tara, our most noble, when hrossbucked on his pricelist charger, Pferdinamd Allibuster (yeddonot need light oar till Noreway for you fanned one o'er every doorway), with my allbum's greethims through this whole of my promises: Handshakey Congrandyoulikethems, Ecclesency!
Whosaw the jackery dares at handgripper thisa breast? Dose makkers ginder! Some one we was with us all fours. Adversarian! The spiking Duyvil! First liar in Londsend! Wulv! See yon scargore on that skeepsbrow! And those meisies! Sulken taarts! Man sicker at I ere bluffit konservateve? Shucks! Such ratshause bugsmess so I cannot barely conceive of! Lowest basemeant in hystry! Ibscenest nansence! Noksagt! Per Peeler and Pawr! The brokerheartened shugon! Hole affair is rotten muckswinish porcupig's draff! Enouch!
— Is that yu, Whitehead?
— Have you headnoise now?
— Give us your mespilt reception, will yous?
— Pass the fish for Christ' sake!
Old Whitehowth he is speaking again. Ope eustace tube! Pity poor Whiteoath! Dear gone mumum mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livet true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W. in this profundust snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs hoar, mummery failend, snowdrift to my ellpow, deff as Adder, I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, three eats. My freeandies, my celeberrimates! My happybossoms, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Childers Everywhere with Mudder!
That was Communicator, a former colonel, disincarnated. He is not all hear. A
spirit called Sebastian from the Rivera in Januero may fernspreak shortly with messuages from my deadported. He does not believe in our psychous of the Real Absence, neither miracle wheat nor soulsurgery of P. P. Quemby. Let us cheer him up a little and make an appunkment for a future date. Hello, Communicator! Eh? How's the buttes? Everscepistic! He
has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while, confused by his tonguer of baubble. Away with him! Poor Felix Culaper! Ring his mind, ye staples (bonze!), in my ould reekeries' ballyheart and in my krumlin and in aroundisements and stremmis! Sacks eleathury! Sacks eleathury! Bam! I deplore over him ruely. Mongrieff! O Hone! Guestermed with the nobelities, todie bronxitic in achershous! So enjoying of old thick whiles, in haute white toff's hoyt of our formed reflections, with stock of eisen all his prop, so buckely hosiered from the Royal Leg, and his puertos mugnum, he would puffout a dhymful bock! And the how he would husband her that verikerfully, his cigare divane (he would redden her with his vestas, but 'tis naught), with us, his nephos and his neberls, mest incensed and befogged by him and his smoke thereof! But he shall have his glad stein of our zober beerbest in Oscarshal's winetavern. Buen retiro! The boyce voyce is still flautish and his mounth still wears that soldier scarlet though the flaxafloyeds, alas, are peppered with salsedine. It is bycause of what he was ascend into his prisons on account off. I whit it well. Hence he's deepraised words. Some day I may tell of his second storey. Mood! Mood! It looks like someone other bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Kanes nought.
Well, yeamen, I have bared my whole past, I flatter myself, on both sides. Give me even my two months by laxlaw in second division and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest to Recorder at Thing of all Things, or court of Skivinis, with marchants grey, antient and credibel, Zerobubble Barrentone, Jonah Whalley, Determined Codde or Cucumber Upright, my jurats, if it does not occur
again. O rhyme us! Haar Faagher, wild heart in Homelan, Harrod's be thee naun, mine kinder come, mine wohl be won! There is nothing like leuther. O shee! And nosty
mens in gladshouses they shad not peggott stones. The elephant's house is his castle. I am here to tell you, indeed to goodness, that, allbe I discountenanced beallpersuasions in rinunciniation of my pomps of heretofore, with a wax too held in hand, I am thorgtfulldt to do dope me of Ovocna's miscisprinks and by virchow of those filthered waters presently, like Browne umbracing Christina Anya, after the Irishers, to convert me into a Selt (but first I must proxy babetise my old antenaughties) when, being fully alive to it, as Sigismond Stolterforth, with Rabbin Robroost for my auspicer and Leecher Rutty for my lifearst (Ehren til viktrae!), I will westerneyes those poor sunuppers and outbreiten their land's eng. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue glucose, peebles, were it even, as this is, the legal eric for wholewiping clean infelicitous conduict (here incloths placefined my pocketanchoredcheck) and, as a matter of fact, I undertake to discontinue entyrely all practices
and I deny in toto at my own request in all stoytness to have confermentated and confoederated and agreed in times prebellic, when here were waders for the trainsfolk, as it is now nuggently laid to me, with a friend from mine, Mr Billups, pulleter, my quarterbrother, who sometimes he is doing my locum for me on a grubstake and whom I have cleped constoutuent, for so it was felt by me, at goodbuy cootcoop by usucapiture a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster from Cherna Djamja, Blawlawnd-via-Brigstow, or to illsell my fourth part in her, which although allowed of in Deuterogamy as in several places of Scripture (copyright) and excluded books (they should quite rightly verbanned be) would seem eggseggs excessively harroween to my feelimbs, for twa punt scotch, one pollard and a crocard or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick's flame, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, entquick me if so be I did cophetuise milady's maid, in spect of her beavers she is a womanly and sacret. Such wear a frillick for my comic strip (Mons Meg's Monthly, comes out aich Fanagan's wake) to bray at by clownsillies in Donkeybrook Fair. It would lackin mackin Hodder's and Cocker's erithmatic. The unpurdonable preempson
of all of her of yourn, by Juno Moneta! If she, irished Marryonn Teheresiann, has been disposed of for her consideration, I, Ledwidge Salvatorious, am tradefully unintiristid. And if she is still further talc slopping over her cocoa contours, I, hwat mick angars, am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Improbable! I do not credit one word of it. Just feathers! Nanenities! Or to have ochtroyed to resolde or borrough by exchange same super melkkaart, means help, best Brixton, high yellow, no outings, cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. 'Twere a honnibel crudelty wert so tentement to their naktlives and scatab orgias we devour about in the mightyevil roohms of enceint Cartage. Utterly improperable! Not for alled Crusos or white soul of gold! A pipple on the panis, two claps on the cansill, or three pack pocks cassey knocked on the postern! Not for one testey tickey culprik's coynde ore for all écus in cunziehowffse! So hump me Cash! I meanit.
My herrings! The surdity of it, mean to say. Her bare idears, it is choochoo chucklesome. Absurd bargain, mum, will call. One line, with! One line, with, with! Will ate everadayde saumone like a boyne alive O. The tew cherripickers with their catheringnettes, Lizzy and Lissy Mycock from Street Fleshshambles, were they moon at aube with hespermun and I their covin guardient, I would not know to
contact such gretched youngsters in my ways from Haddem or any suistersees or heiresses of theirn, claiming by, through, or under them. Ous of their freiung pfann into myne foyer! Her is one which rassembled to mein enormally. The man what shocked
his shanks at contey Carlow's. He is Deucollion. Each habe goheard: Uptaking you are innersence but we sen you meet sose infance. Deucollion! Odor: Evilling chimbes is smutsick rivulverblott but thee hard casted thereass pigstenes upann Congan's shootsmen in Schottenhof, ekeascent? Igen Deucollion! I liked his gothamn chic! Stuttertub! What a shrubbery trick to play! Hear this! I will put my oathhead unner my whitepot for ransom of beeves and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat between Pelagios and little
Chistayas by Roderick's, our most monolith, after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and minhaton testify to my unclothed virtue by the longstone erectheion of our allfirst manhere. I should tell you that honestly, on my honour of a Nearwicked, I always think (in a wordsworth of that primed favourite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G., whom the generality admoyers in this that is and that this is to come) like as my palmer's past policy I have had my best master's lesson as the public he knows. And do you know, homesters, I honestly think if I have failed lamentably by accident benefits, though shintoed, spitefired, perplagued and cramkrieged, I am doing my dids bits and have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sort in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohoho! Have I said ogso how I abhor myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent me to my nether heart of suntry clothing? The amusin part is, I will say, hotelmen, that, after martiell siegewin with Abbot Warre to blesse on yon slauchterday of cleantarriffs, since I, yetnot a bottlenim, over the deep drowner Athacleeath to seek again Irrlanding, shamed in mind, with three plunges of my ruddertail, vanced imperial standard by weaponright and platzed mine residenze, taking bourd and burgage under starrimisty, and ran and operated my Brixtol selection here at thollstall, for mean straits male with evorage fimmel, in commune soccage, among strange and enemy, among these plotlets, at Poplinstown, alore Fort Dunlip, then-on-sea, hole of Serbonian bog, now city of magnificent distances, goodwalldabout, with talus and counterscarp and pale of palisades, in that year which I have called myriabellous, and overdrave these marken under patroonshaap of our good kingsinnturns, T.R.H. Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed, here where my tenenure of office and my toils of domestication first began, with weight of woman my skat and skuld but Flukie of the Ravens my sure piloter, famine with Englisch sweat and oppedemics, the twotoothed
Dragonworms with allsort serpents, has compolitely seceded from this landleague of many nations, and open and notorious naughty livers are found not on our rolls. This seat of our city it is of all sides pleasant, comfortable and wholesome. If you would traverse hills,
they are not far off. If champain land, it lieth of all parts. If you would be delited with fresh water, the famous river called of Ptolemy the Libnia Labia runneth fast by. If you will take the view of the sea, it is at hand. Give heed!
— Do Drumcollogher whatever you do!
— Visitez Drumcollogher-la-Belle!
— Be suke and sie so ersed Drumcollogher!
— Vedi Drumcollogher e poi Moonis!
Things are not as they were. Let me briefly survey. Pro clam a shun! Pip! Peep! Pipitch! Ubipop jay piped, ibipep goes the whistle. Here Tyeburn throttled, massed marmurs march: where the bus stops, there shop I: here which ye see, yea reste. On me, your sleeping giant. Estoesto! Estote sunto! From the hold of my capt in altitude till the mortification that's my fate. The end
of our aldest mosest ist the beginning of all thisorder so the last of their hansbailis shall the first in our sheriffsby. Peace and plenty! New highs for all! Redu Negru may be black in tawn but under them lintels are staying my horneymen meet each his mansiemagd. For peers and gints, quaysirs and galleyliers, fresk letties from the say and stale headygabblers, gaingangers and dudder wagoners,
pullars off societies and pushers on rothmere's homes. Obeyance from the townsmen spills felixity by the toun. Our bourse and our politico-ecomedy are in safe with good Jock Shepherd, our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans, wild and great. Been so free! Thank you, besters! Hattentats have mindered, blaublaze devilbobs have gone from the mode and hairtrigger nicks are quite out of
time now. Thuggeries are reere as glovars' metins, lepers lack and ignorants show beneath suspicion like the bitterhalves of esculapuloids. In midday's mallsight let Miledd discurverself, Meludd in her hide park seek Minuitette. All is waldly bonums. Blownose aerios, we luft to you! Firebugs, good blazes! Lubbers, keep your poudies drier! Seamen, we segn your skivs and wives!
Seven ills sobarely as centripunts havd I habt, seaventy seavens for circumference inkeptive are your hill prospect: Brayd, Blackfordrock, the Calton, the Liberton, Craig and Lockhart's, A. Costofino, R. Thursitt. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dome on the wherewithouts of Michan: by awful tors my wellworth building sprang sky spearing spires, cloud cupoled
campaniles. Further this. By fineounce and imposts I got and grew and by grossscruple gat I grown outreachesly: murage and lestage were my mains for Ouerlord's tithing and my drains for render and prender the doles and the tribute: I was merely out of my mint with all the percussors on my braincap till I struck for myself and muched morely
by token: to Sirrherr of Gambelden old ruddy money and to Madame of Pitymount I loue yous. Paybads floriners moved in hugheknots against us and I matt them, pepst to papst, barthelemew: milreys (mark!) onfell and (luc!) I arose, Daniel in Leonden. Bulafests onvied me, Corkcuttas graachted. Atabey! The soord on Whencehislaws was mine and mine the prusshing stock of Allbrecht the Bearn. I wegschicked Duke Wellinghof to reshockle Roy Shackleton: Walhalloo, Walhalloo, Walhalloo, mourn in plein! I braved Brien Berueme to berow him against the Loughlins, all her tolkies shraking: Fugabollags! Lusqu'au bou! If they had ire back of eyeball they got danage on front tooth: theres were revelries at ridottos, here was rivalry in redoubt. Under law's marshall and warschouw did I thole till lead's plumbate, ping on pang, reliefed me. I made praharfeast upon acorpolous and fastbroke down in Neederthorpe. I let faireviews in on slobodens but ranked rothgardes round wrathmindsers: I bathandbaddend on mendicity and I cowcured off the unoculated. Can you tell their tale whom I filled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury? With three hunkered peepers and twa and twas! For sleeking beauties I spinned their nightinveils, to slumbred beasts I tummed the tief air. Round the musky moved a murmel but mewses whinninared and belluas zoomed: tendulcis tunes like water parted fluted up from the westinders while from gorges in the east came the strife of ourangoontangues. All in my thicville Escuterre ofen was thorough fear but in the meckling of my Burgh Belvaros was the site forbed: I meade uisance of wellpressed champdamors and peddled freely in the scrub: tuberclerosies I
reized spudfully from the murphyplantz Hawkinsonia and berriberries from the pletoras of the Irish shou. I heard my libertilads making fray through their curraghcoombs and my trueblues herusalaming before Wailingtone's Wall: out of fundness for the outozone I carried them and curried them in my Putzemdown cars to my Kommeandine hotels: I richmounded the rainelag in my bathytub of roundwood and conveyed it with cheers and cables, rearing mighty shouts, through my longertubes of elm: I made sprouts fontaneously from Philuppe Sobriety in the coupe that's cheyned for noon inebriates: when they weaned weary of that bibbing I made infusion more infused: sowerpacers of the vinegarth, obtemperate unto me! When you think me in my coppeecuffs lookinware would you meckamockame, as you pay in caabmand's sheltar tot the ites like you corss the tees. Wherefore watch ye well! For, while I oploocked the first of Janus's straight, I downsaw the last of Christmas steps: syndic podesteril and on the rates, I for indigent and intendente: in Forum Foster I demonsthrenated my folksfiendship, enmy pupuls felt my burk was no worse than their brite: Sapphrageta and Consciencia were undecidedly
attached to me but the maugher machrees and the auntieparthenopes my schwalby words with litted spongelets set their soakeypokeys and botchbons afume: Fletcher-Flemmings, elizaboth, how interquackeringly they rogated me, their golden one, I inhesitant made replique: Mesdememdes to leursieuresponsor: And who in hillsaide, Don't you let flyfire till you see their whites of the bunkers' eyes? Mr Answers: Bringem young, bringem young, bringem young! in my bethel of Solyman's I accouched their rotundaties and I turnkeyed most insultantly over lutetias raped in the lock: I gave bax ob biscums to the jacobeaters and pottage bakes to the esausted: I dehlivered them with freakandesias by the constant droppings from my smalls instalmonths while I titfortotalled up their farinadays for them on my slataper's slate with my chandner's chauk: I jaunted on my jingelbrett rapt in neckloth and sashes and I beggared about the amnibushes like belly in a bowle. In the humanity of my heart I sent out heywheywomen to refresh
the ballwearied and then, doubling megalopolitan poleetness, my great great greatest of these charities, devaleurised the base fellows for the curtailment of their lower man: with a slog to square leg I sent my boundary to Botany Bay and I ran up a score and four of mes while the Yanks were huckling the Empire: I have been reciping om omominous letters and widelysigned petitions full of pieces of pottery about my monumentalness as a thingabolls and I have been inchanting causeries to the feshest cheoilboys so that they are allcalling on me for the song of a birtch. Attent! Couch hear! I have becket my vonderbilt hutch in sunsmidnought and at morningrise I was encampassed of mushroofs: the more secretly bi built, the more openly palastered. Rest and bethinkful, with licence, thanks. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. Lo, I have looked long upon my pumpadears in their easancies and my drummers have tattled tall tales of me in the land.
And this. This mayds my taughters and these man my son, from my fief of the Villa of the Ostmannorum to Thorstan's, recte Thomars Sraid, and from Huggin Pleaze to William Inglis his house, that man de Loundres, in all their barony of Saltus, bonders and foeburghers, helots and zelots, strutting oges and swaggering macks, the darsy jeamses, the drury joneses, redmaids and bleucotts,
in hommage and felony, all who have received tickets, fair home overcrowded, tidy but very little furniture, respectable, whole family attends daily mass and is dead sick of bread and butter, sometime in the militia, mentally strained from reading work on German physics, shares closet with eight other dwellings, more than respectable, getting comfortable parish relief, wage-earner freshly shaven
from prison, highly respectable, planning new departure in mountgomery cyclefinishing,
eldest son will not serve but peruses Big-Man-up-in-the-Sky scraps, anoopanadoon lacking backway, quasi respectable, pays ragman in bones for faded windowcurtains, staircase continually lit up with guests, particularly respectable, house lost in dirt and blocked with refuse, getting on like Roe's distillery on fire, slovenly wife active with the jug, in business for himself, has a tenth illegitimate coming, partly respectable, following correspondence courses, chucked work over row, both
cheeks kissed at levee by late marquess of Zetland, sharing closet which is profusely written over with eleven other subscribers, once respectable, open hallway pungent of Baltic dishes, bangs kept woman's head against wall thereby disturbing neighbours, private chapel occupies return landing, removal every other quarter day, case one of peculiar hopelessness, most respectable, nightsoil has to be removed through snoring household, eccentric naval officer not quite steady enjoys weekly churchwarden and laugh while reading foreign pictorials on clumpstump before door, known as the trap, widow rheumatic and chars, haunted, condemned and execrated, of dubious respectability, tools too costly pledged or uninsured, reformed philanthropist whenever feasible takes advantage of unfortunates against dilapidating ashpits, serious student is eating his last dinners, floor dangerous for unaccompanied old clergymen, thoroughly respectable, many uncut pious books in evidence, nearest watertap two hundred yards' run away, fowl and bottled gooseberry frequently on table, man has not had boots off for twelve months, infant being taught to hammer flat piano, outwardly respectable, sometimes hears from titled connection, one foot of dust between banister and cracked wall, wife cleans stools, eminently respectable, ottawark and regular loafer, should be operated on would she consent, deplorable rent in roof, claret cellar cobwebbed since the pontificate of Leo, wears drill trousers and collects rare buddhas, underages very treacly and verminous have to be separated, sits up with fever cases for one and threepence, owns two terraces (back to back breeze), respectable in every way, harmless imbecile supposingly weakminded, a sausage every Sunday, has a staff of eight servants, lieabed sons go out with sisters immediately after dark, has never seen the sea, travels always with her eleven trunks of clothing, starving cat left in disgust, the pink of respectability, resting after colonial service, labours at plant, the despair of his many benefactresses, calories exclusively from rowntrees and dumplings, one bar of sunlight does them all January and half February, the V. de V's (animal diet) live in fivestoried
semidetached but rarely pay tradesmen, went security for friend who absconded, shares same closet with fourteen similar cottages and an illfamed lodginghouse, more respectable than some,
teawidow pension but held to purchase, inherited silk hat from father-in-law, head of domestic economy never mentioned, query how they live, reputed to procure, last four occupants carried out, mental companionship with mates only, respectability unsuccessfully aimed at, copious holes emitting mice, decoration from Uganda chief in locked ivory casket, grandmother has advanced alcoholic amblyopia, the terror of Goodmen's Field, and respected and respectable, as respectable as respectable can respectably be, though their orable amission were the herrors I have expected, all, let them all come, they are my vill villeins, with chartularies I have talledged them.
Wherfor I will and firmly command, as I willed and firmly commanded, upon my royal word, and cause the great seal now to be affixed, that from the farthest of the farther of their fathers to their children's children's children they do inhabit it and hold it for me and my heirs, unencumbered, firmly and quietly, amply and honestly, and with all the liberties and free customs which
the men of Tolbris, a city of Tolbris, have at Tolbris, in the county of their city and through whole my land. Hereto my vouchers: knife and snuffbuchs. Fee for farm. Enwreak us wrecks. Struggling forlongs I have livramentoed, milles on milles of mancipelles. Mined outskirts benlewd, men breaches portpoinsed: in morgenattics litt I hope, in seralcellars louched I bleakmealers: on my siege of my
mighty I was parciful of my subjects, but in streetwauks that are darkest I debelled em superb: I deemed the drugtails in my pettycourts and domstered dustyfeets in my husinclose: at Guy's they were swathed, at Foulkes's slashed, the game for a Gomez, the loy for a Lynch: if I was magmonimoss as staidy lavgiver I revolucanized by my eructions: on hye and bye wayseeds I scattered em, in
my graben fields sew sowage I gathered em: in Sheridan's Circle my wits repose, in black pitts of the pestered Lenfant he is dummed. Hearts of Oak, may ye root to piece!
Rechabites, obstain! Clayed sheets, pineshrouded, wake not, walk not! |s16Sigh lento, Morgh!ºs16|
Quo warranto has his greats my soliven and puissant lord V. King regards for me and he has given to me my necknamesh (flister it!) which is second fiddler to nomen. These be my genteelician arms. At the crest, two young frish, etoiled, flappant, devoiled of their habiliments, vested sable, withdrewers argent. For the boss, a coleopter, pondant, partifessewise, blazond sinister, at the slough, proper. In the lower field, a terce of lanciers, shaking unsheathed shafts, their arms crossed in saltire, embusked, sinople. Motto, in letters potent: Hery Crass Evohodie.
Idle were it, repassing from elserground to the elder disposition, in so and such a matter as me it so besitteth, to inquire whether I, huddled til
summone, be the massproduct of teamwork or I, draggedasunder, the forced generation of group marriage or carried of cloud from land of locust, in ouzel galley borne, three surtouts wripped up in itchother's, two twin pritticoaxes lived as one, troubled in trine or dubildin too, for, holocryptogam of my essenses, abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans or Feejeean grafted ape on merfisch, surrounded by obscurity, most surely I pretend and reclam by my virtus of creation and by boon of promise my naturalborn freeman's journeyman right and my Other Church's inher lights to opt for simultaneous. Till daybow break and showshadows flee. Thus be Hek! Verily! Verily! Time, place!
— What is your numb? Bun!
— Who gave you that numb? Poo!
— Have you put in all your spare pennies? I'm listening. Sree!
— Keep clear of propennies! Kore!
Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimm, and invisible friends! I maymay mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had my faithful Fulvia, following the wiening courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to go on uphills upon search of louvers, brunette men of Earalend, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw and Chief Brown Poole, or, again, had
Fluvia, amber whitch she was, left her chivily crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some prolling bywaymen
from Moabit who would have abused of her, the foxrogues, there might accrue advantage to ask wher in pellmell her deceivers sinned. Yet know of old it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by my goods waif, as I chiefly endmost hartyly aver, for Fulvia Fluvia, iddle woman to the plusneeborn, ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairness, this wharom I am fawned on, that which was loost. Even so. For I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines: and she wept. O my lors!
— Till we meet!
— Ere we part!
— This time a hundred years!
But I was firm with her. And I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, and did raft her flumingworthily and did leftlead her overland the pace, from lachsleap up to liffsloup, tiding down, as portreeve should, whimpering by Kevin's creek and Hurdlesfjord and Gardener's Mall, long rivierside drive, embankment large, to Ringsend Flott and Ferry, where she began
to bump a little bit,
my dart to throw: and there, by wavebrink, on strond of south, with mace to masthigh, taillas Cowhowling, quailless Highjakes, did I (16upriesed upreizeº16) my magicianer's puntpole and I bade those pollyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with hemselves from os (rookwards, thou seasea stamoror!) and I abridged with domfine norsemanship till I had done abate her maidan race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly when with all my bawdy did I her whorship, min bryllupswibe: Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydays, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her, arsched overtupped, from bank of call to echobank, by dint of strongbow (Galata! Galata!), so streng we were in one, malestream in shegulf: and to ringstresse with iern of Erin I thumbed her and tradesmanmarked her lieflang mine for all and singular, iday, igone, imorgens and for ervigheds (base your peak, you! you, strike your flag! what screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!):
goosegaze annoynted uns, canailles canzoned; from Livland, hock zivios, from Lettland, skall vives! With Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphs and the singing sands for herbrides' music, me to she her shyblumes lifted and I pudd a name and wedlock boltoned round her the which to carry till her grave, Appa Lippia Pluviabille, my durdin dearley, whiles I herr lifer amstell and been: I chained her chastemate to grippe fiuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her hochsized, her cleaveinto, her everest, she was my annointed, my laurelled, my proved: who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes? who expoused that havenliness to beachalured ankerrides when not I, freipforter? in trinity huts they met my dama, pick of their poke for me: when I forgether 'twas my sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list: had I not workit in my cattagut with dogshunds' crotts to clene and had I not giftet of my coataways, constantonoble's aim? and, fortiffed by my right as man of capitol, I did umgyrdle her about, my vermincelly vinegarette, with all loving kindness as far as in man's might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware (catalogue, passim) and fine ladderproof hosiery lines (see stockingers' raiment) and cocquette coiffs (see Agnes' hats) and pennigsworths of the best of taste of knaggy jets and silvered waterroses and geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispywaspy frocks, trancepearances of redferns and lauralworths, such as women cattle bare and peltries piled and samite supple, rosselling gowns, the peak of Pim's and Slyne's and Sparrow's, loomends day lumineused, luxories on looks, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourire d'Hiver, and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies that know she might the tortuours of the boots and bedes of wampun with to toy and a murcery
glaze of shard to mirrow for all daintiness by me and theetime, the cupandnaggin hour: and I wound around my swanchen's neckplace a school of schells of moyles marine to swing their saysangs in her silents: and, upping her as king's count, her aldritch cry olos unheading, what though exceeding bitter, I pierced her beak with order of the
Danabrog (Cunnig's great! Soll leve! Soll leve!): with mare's grease cressets at Leonard's and Dunphy's and Madonna lanthorns before quintacasas and tallonkindles spearhead syngeing nickendbookers and mhutton lightburnes dipdippingdownes in blackholes, the tapers of the topers and his buntingpall at Hoist, for days there was no night for nights were days and our folk had rest from Blackheathen and the pagans from the prince of pacis: what was trembling sod quaked no more, what were frozen loins were stirred and lived: gone the septuor, dark deadly dismal doleful desolate dreadful desperate, no more the tolvmaans, bloody gloomy hideous fearful furious alarming terrible horrible mournful sorrowful frightful appalling: peace, perfect peace: and I hung up at Yul my duindleeng lunas, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose, for the souperhore of my frigid one, coloumba mea, frimosa mea, in Wastewindy Tarred Strate and Elgin's marble halles, lamping limp from black to block, through all Livania's volted ampire, from anodes to cathodes and from the topazolites of Mourne, Wykinloeflare, by Arklow's sapphire siomen's lure and Waterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella: avenyue ceen my peurls ahumming, the crown to my estuarine munipicence? three firths of the sea I swept with draughtness and all ennempties I bottled em up in bellomport: when I stabmarooned jack and maturin I was a bad boy's bogey but it was when I went on to sankt piotersbarq that they gave my devil his due: what is seizer can hack in the old wold a sawyer may hew in the green: on the island of Breasil the wildth of me perished and I took my plowshure sadly, feeling pity for me sored: where bold (16O'Conee O'Connee16) weds on Alta Mahar, the tawny sprawling beside that silver burn, I sate me and settled with the little crither of my hearth: her intellects I charmed with I calle them utile thoughts, her turlyhyde I plumped with potatums for amiens pease in plenty: my biblous beadells shewed her triumphs of craftygild pageantries, loftust Adam duffed our cousterclother, Conn and Owel with cortoppled baskib, Sire Noeh (16Guinass Guinnassº16) exposant of his bargeness and Lord Joe Starr to hump the body of the camel: I screwed the Emperor down with ninepins gaelic with sixpennyhapennies
for his hanger on: my worthies were bissed and trissed from Joshua to Godfrey but my processus prophetarum they would have plauded to perpetuation. Moral: book to besure, see press.
— He's not all buum and bully.
— But his members handly food him.
— Steving's grain for's greet collegtium.
— The S.S. Padraic's in the harbour.
And after these things I fed her, my carlen, my barelean linsteer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbylauch and the rich morsel of the marrolebone and shains of garleeks and swinespepper and gothakrauts and pinkee dillisks, primes of meshallehs, and subtleties in jellywork, come the feast of Saint Pancreas, and shortcake nutrients for Paas and Pingster's
pudding, bready and nuttalled, and potted fleshmeats from stove dampkookin and the drugs of Kafa and Jelapa and shallots out of Ascalon, feeding her food convenient herfor, to pass then into earth: and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid, the skinsyg, I gave Biorwik's powlver and Uliv's oils, unguents of cuticure, for the swarthy searchall's face on her and handewers and groinscrubbers
and a carrycam to tease her tuzzy out, the brown but combly, and a mopsa's broom to duist her sate and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards (amazing efficiencies!): and for my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness skinly civicised, in our saloons esquirial with fineglas bowbays, draped embrasures and giltedged librariums I did devise my prizeless telltale sports at
evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slapbang, drapier-cut-dean, bray, nap, spinado and ranter-go-round: we had our lewd mayers and our lairdie meiresses kiotowing and smuling fullface on us out of their framous latenesses, oilclothed over for cohabitation and allpointed by Hind: Tamlane the Cussacke, Dirk Wettingstone, Pieter Stuyvesant, Outlawrie O'Niell, Mrs Currens, Mrs
Reyson-Figgis, Mrs Dattery and Mrs Pruny-Quetch: in hym we trust, footwash and sects principles, apply to the overseer, Amos five six: she had dabblingtime for exhibiting her grace of aljambras and duncingk the bloodanoobs in her vauxhalls while I, dizzed and dazed by the lumpty thumpty of our
interloopings, fell clocksure off my ballast: in our windtor palast it vampared fore elenden, we lubded Sir Gudd for the sleep and the ghoasts: she chauffed her feusies at my Wigan's jewels while she skalded her mermeries on my Snorryson's sagos: in paycook's thronsaale she domineered: lecking icies off the dormer panes all admired her in camises: on Rideau Row Duanna dwells, you merk well what you see: let wellth were I our pantocreator would theirs be tights for the gods: in littlered ridinghats and cindery yellows and tinsel and glitter and bibs under hoods: I foredreamed for her and, more than fallmaked, I prevened for her in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a'-leaves for sturdy traemen: Pelves ad Hombres
Sumus: I said to the shiftless prostitute, Let me be your fodder; and to roadies and prater brothers, Chau, Camerade! Evangel of good tidings, omnient as the Healer's word, for the lost, loathsome and whomsoever will: who, in regimentation through liberal donation in coordination for organisation of their installation and augmentation plus some annexation and amplification without precipitation towards the culmination in latification of what was formerly their utter privation, competence, cheerfulness, usefulness and the meed, shall in their second Adams all be made alive.
My tow tugs steered down canal grand, my lighters lay longside on Regalia Water: and I built in Urbs in Rure for minne elskede, my shiny brows, under astrolobe from my upservatory, an erdcloset with showne ejector wherewithin to be squatquit in most convenience from her sabbath needs, when open noise should stilled be: did not I festfix with mortarboard my unniversiries, wholly,
rational and gottalike, sorefister agen sowfister, life sizars all? was not I rosetted on two stelas of little egypt? had not I rockcut reders, hieros, gregos and democriticos, tricastellated, bimedallised? and by my sevendialled changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not I to pass through twelve Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight? my camels' walk, kolossa! kolossa!,
no porte sublimer benared my ghates: Oi polled ye Many but my fews were chousen (voter, voter, early voter,
he was never too oft for Old Sarum): terminals four my staties were, the Geenar, the Greasouwea, the Debwickweck, the Migreawis: and I set up twinminsters, the pro and the con, my stavekirks wove so norcely of peeled wands and attachattouchy floodmud, now all loosebrick and stonefest, freely masoned, arked for the covenanters and shinners' rifuge: descend from above on us, Hagiasofia of Astralia, our orisons thy nave and absedes, our aeone tone aeones thy studvaast vault! Hams, circuitise! Shemites, retrace! horns, hush! no barkeys! hereround is't holied! all truant trulls made I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, gowgow: Cassels, Redmond, Gandon, Deane, Shepperd, Smyth, Neville, Heaton, Stoney, Foley, Farrell, Vnost, with Thorneycroft and Hogan too: sprids serve me, gobelins guard! tect my tileries (O tribes! O gentes!), keep my keep, the peace of my four great ways! oathiose infernals, to Booth Salivation! arcane celestials, to Sweatenburg's Welhell! and thirdly, for evigs, I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees my sweet coolocked my auburn coyquailing one, her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell, sixton clashcloshant, duominous and muezzatinties to commind the fitful: doom adimdim adoom adimadim: and the oragel of the lauds to tellforth's glory: and I added thereunto a shallow laver to slub out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house: gospelly pewmillieu, christous pewmillieu: ze zackbutts
babazounded, ze ollguns tararulled: and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane. May all have mossyhonours!
And wholehail, snaefell, dreardrizzle or sleetshowers of blessing, where it froze in chalix eller swum in the vestry, with fairskin
book and ruling rod, vien of my vergin page, her chastener ever, I did learn my little anna countrymouse in alpabeater cameltemper, from alderbirk to tannenyou, with myraw rattan atter dundrum, ooah oyir oyir oyir: my seven wynds I trailed to maze her and ever a wynd had saving closes and all these closes flugged with the gust, hoops for her, hats off for him and reruffles through Neeblow's garding. And that was why Blabus was razing his wall and eltering the suzannes of his nighboors. And I did spread before my Livvy, where Lord Street lolls and ladies linger and Cammomile Pass cuts Primrose Rise and Coney Bend bounds Mulbreys Island but never a blid had bledded or bludded since long agore when the whole blighty acre was bladey well pessovered, my selvage mats of lecheworked lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon City, with chopes pyramidous and mouselimes and beaconphires and colossets and pensilled turrisses for the busspleaches of the summiramies and esplanadas statuesque and templeogues: the pardonell of Maynooth, Fra Teobaldo, Nielsen, rare admirable, Jean de Porteleau, Conall Gretecloke, Guglielmus Caulis and the eiligh ediculous Passivucant (glorietta's inexcelsiored!): for irkdays and for folliedays till the comple anniums of calendarias, gregoromaios and gypsyjuliennes as such are pleased of theirs to walk: and I planted for my own hot lisbing lass a quickset vineyard and rigs of barlow and bowery nooks and greenwished villas and pampos animos and (N.I.) necessitades iglesias and pons for aguaducks, a hawthorndene, a feyrieglenn, the hallaw vall, the dyrchace, Finmark's Howe, and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops against budmonth and gleanermonth with a magicscene wall (rimrim! rimrim!) for a Queen's Garden of her Phoenix: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle, wigwarming wench (speakeasy!), my granvilled brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, the pusspuss pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore, running boullawards and syddenly parading (hearsemen, opslo! nuptiallers, get storting!)
whereon, in mantram of truemen like yahoomen (expect till dutc cundoctor summoneth him all fahrts to pay, velkommen all hankinhunkn in this vogn of Hoseyeh!), claudesdales with arabinstreeds, Roamer Reich's rickyshaws with Hispain's king's trompateers, madridden mustangs,
buckarestive bronchos, postershays and turnintaxis and tall tall tilburys and nod nod noddies, others gigging gaily, some sedated in sedans, my priccoping gents aroger, aroger, my damsels softsidesaddled covertly, covertly, and Lawdy Dawe a perch behind, the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald shjelties and skewbald awknees steppit lively for her pleashadure (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!): and she lafaughed in her diddydid domino to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playyup!
— Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!