Haveth Childers

Large typescript, December 1928-January 1929, §3B draft level 8, 8+

MS British Library 47484a 233-294 Draft details

|8|aAmunreadadam Amtsadama|!8| Sir, to you! Here we are again! I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long since out of print, the first of |8Sitric Silkenbeard Shitric Shilkanbeard8|, but I am known throughout the world wherever my good |8Allenglisch Allenglisches'º Angleslachsen8| is spoken |8|saby Sall and Willsa| from |saAugustus Augustulunread Augustanussa| to Ergastulus8|, as this is, protested by saints and
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sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of fact, by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as cleanliving as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my very wife I never was nor can afford to be guilty of breach, crim crig con, |8malfeasance8| or trespass against parson with the person of a youthful girl frifrif friend |8named chirped8| Apples|8, acted by Miss |a Dashea|,8| when I would |8feel |afeel for touch toa| her dot and feel |saunread most greenilysa|8| of her unripe ones, as it should prove |8most unnieceº |saandsa|8| far too baad to my reputation for daughters-in-trade being lightly clad. And as a mere matter of fact I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest |8little wife littlums wifukie |awhom I streike ownly on her buxa|8| around the |8globelettes8| globes |8on |awhom I streike ownly on her buxa| upon8| which she was raping away first with the consolation prize in my serial dreams of fair women, |8Mannequins Passe,º8| handicapped by two breasts in opera tops. |8Aº remarkable little garment.8| I kickkick keenly love
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such, particularly while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope eyelips, as this is, where I do drench my jolly soul on the pupure beauty of hers past.

She is my bestpreserved wholewife|8, sowell her as herafter,8| in Evans's eye, with the smallest shoenumber outside of Chinatins. They are jolly dainty. May we not recommend them? And, alas, our private chaplain |8of Lambeyth |saand Dolekey sa|8|, an always sadfaced man, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingers, can speak loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean characteracting even, when detected, in the dark, painful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her to our fourposter singing |8with euphonium8| in our altogether |8duckkyheimº8| homesweetened gleegloom there's gnome sweeplaces like theresweep Norwage. By whom, as |8my Church Findlaters
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enjoineth andº asº
8| you all know as a matter of pure fact, dear humans, of a child one of the ambitions of my yougend from an early peepee period intended for broadchurch, I was confirmed in bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Angel is your man. Let Michael tell you people here |8(it wasº remarketable)º8| in his clairaudience, as this is, as only our own Michael can|8, whenº reacherout at superstation,º8| to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp amplify Guinness's Ornery fortninehalf. Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one four tupps noying. Sorry! Thnkyou! Thatll beall fortoday.
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Call it off! Godnat, vrybolly! Abbreciades York gustoms. Kyow! Tak!

|8Calmº has entered. Big Bigº Calm., announcer!º8| It is |8truly most ernst terooly mostº moresome8| immusin. Colt's tooth! I protest there is not one teaspoonspill of evidence |8at |abottom bottomliea|8| to my baad as you shall see, as this is, Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango I can take off my dudud my dirtynine articles of quoting here before those in heaven to |8prove myself aº |aman again virgomanº a| andº8| enter into my preprotestant Caveat against the pupup publication of libel by any |8Ticks Tipsylon Ticks Tipsyloon8| to that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. |8So to speak of beauty scoutsº |aand the celluloid arta|!8| The caca cad! I protest it that he is, by my wipehalf! Shame upon pipip Private M—! Shames on his foulsomeness! Shamus on his lulul lying suulen! And |8mine it was|a, Barktholed von Hunarig,º |bSoesown afº Furrows,ºb|a| when8| to my lot it fell on my sexsex, my |8sexencentenary sexencentaurnary8|, when I holded up to His Mam His Mamam His Maggerstick the keys of our city |8when hrossbuckedº8| on his pricelist charger with my allbum's greethims: |8Hearty Handshakey8| Congrandyoulikethems, Excellency!

Whosaw dares at handgripper thisa breast? |8|aDose makkers! ginder!ºa| Some ome |aI wea| was with us all fours.8| Adversarian! First liar in landend. |8And |athat meisies those meisiea|! Sulk e'en taarts!8| Man sicker at I are bluffit konservateve? Shucks! Such bughouse filth so I cannot barely conceive of! The brknhrtd vlln! Hole affair is rotten pig's draff!

— Is that yu, Whitehead?

— Have you Headnoise now?

— Give us your muddy reception, will yous?

— Pass the fish for Christ' sake!

Old Whitehowth is speaking again. Pity poor Whiteoath! Dear gone mumum mummeries, goby! Tell the woyld I have livet true thousand hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W. in this profoundest snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs white, mummery failing, deaf as Adder, I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, two eats. My happybossoms, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Children Everywhere with Mudder!

That was Communicator, a former colonel|8, disincarnated8|. |8Aº
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spiritº called |s+Daniel Stu Sebastianºs+| mayº |acall up phone shortly a|. |aHe does not believe in |s+psychic psychouss+|.ºa| Let us cheer him up a little and make an appointment for a future date. |aHello, Communicatorº! How'sº the butts?a| |~blank Everseptic!
~|8| He
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has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while. Poor Felix Culaper! |8I deplore over him.8| So enjoying of old |8while thick whiles8|, in tall white hat of four reflections, he would puffout a smokeful bock! |8He shall have his glad stein of our |abeer beerbesta|.8| The voice is still flutish and |~8its his~|8| mounth still wears that soldier scarlet though the hairs, alas, are peppered with |8silver silvern8|. It is bycause of what he was ascend into his prisons on account of. |8Iº wit it wellº.8| Hence he's |~8deepressed deepraised~|8| words. |8Some day I may tell the story. |aMood! Mood!a|8| It looks like someone else bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Cans nought.

Well, sir, I have bared my whole past on both sides. Give me even my two months by laxlaw in second division and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest if it does not occur again. I am here to tell you I am thoughtful to become a Selt. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue glucose, peebles, were it even, as this is, the legal eric for wholewiping clean infelicitous conduct and, as a matter of fact, I undertake to discontinue all practices
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and I deny in toto at my own request in all stoutness to have confermentated and agreed|8, as it is laid to me,º8| with a friend from mine, Mr Billups, whom I have called |8good pu clean8|, |8to buy atº goodbuy |sacootcoopºsa|8| a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster, |8or to illsell my fourth part in her,8| which |8although allowed of in Deuterogamy8| would seem eggseggs excessively harroween to my feelimbs, |8|agootcoop, |bcootcoop,b|a|8| for |8eight twaº8| punt scotch |8or three pipples on the bitch8|. |8Thou, Frick's flameº, |aUden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks,a| entquickº me if so |~be~| I did cophetuise milady's maid,8| The |~8preumption preemption~|8|
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of her|8, by Juno Moneta8|! |8If she has been disposed of for her consideration,º I am tradefully |~uninterested unintiristid~|. |aAnd if she is still further talc slopping over her |~chocolate cocoa~| contours I am strongly of opinion why I should not be.a|8| Improbable! Or to have resold same |8|~means help~|8|, best |+8Bristol Briston+|8|, high yellow, no outings, cent for cent on Auction's Bridge. Utterly improperable! So help me Cash! |8|~I meanit.~|8|

My herrings! |8The surdity of it, meanº to say.8| Her bare idears, it is too chucklesome. Absurd bargain, mum, will call. One line, with! One line, with, with! The two cherrypickers Lizzy and Lissy Mycock I would not know to contact |8them th such |agretcheda| youngsters8| in my ways from |~8Adam Hadem~|8| or any |8suistersees or8| heiresses of |8theirs theirn8|, claiming by, through, or under them. What a shrubbery trick to play! Hear this! I will put my oathhead |~8under unner~|8| my whitepot and will stand me where I stood mine in all free heat |8between |~Pelagia and little Chistaia Pelagios and little
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~|8| by our most monolith, after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and public testify to my |8unclothed8| virtue by the longstone |~8erection erectheion~|8| of our allfirst manhere. I should tell you that honestly, on my honour of a Nearwicked, I always think (in a wordsworth of |8that favourite continental poet|~, Daunty, Gouty and~|8| Shopkeeper|8|~, A. G.,~|8|) as my best policy I have had my master's lesson |8and as the public he knows. Andº8| do you know, homesters, I honestly think if I have failed lamentably by accident benefits|8|~,º though shintoed, spitefired, perplagued and cramkrieged,º~|8| I have made of my prudentials good. |8|~I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sortº in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohohoº!~|8| Have I said |8|~ogso~|8| how I abhor myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent me to my nether heart of sundry clothing? |8|~I have been told I own stolemines or something of that sort in the sooth of Spain.~|8| The amusin part is, I will say|8, hotelmen,º8| that since I ran a |8|~Bristol Brixtolº~|8| selection here|8,º |ain common soccage,ºa| amongº strange and enemy, |aamong these building sites,ºa|8| |8in atº8| Hoplinstown, |8|athen-on-seaº,a| inº that year which I have called |~blank mirabellous,~| |saand overdrave these landet markenºsa|8| under our good kingsabout |8T.R.H.º8| Urban First and Champaign |8Cholly Chollyman |aand Hungry the Loaved and Hangry the Hatheda|8|, |8|~hereº~|8| where my toils of domestication first began, |8|~though with~| weight of woman |~wound my neck wund my nack~|8| |8famine |~though blank, spitefired, perplagued, cramkrieged, |s+blank famines+|~|8| has |~8teetotally completely~|8| seceded from this landleague of many nations. |8|a|bNew highs for all!b| Ourº bourse and our politico-ecomedyº are in safe with good Jock Shepherd,º |~our lives are on sure in sorting~| with Jonathans,º |~wilde wild~| and great.º |~Are so free! Thank you,º besters!~|a| Hattentats have mindered |atoa|, thuggeries are rere as glovers meeting, |~lepers lack and~| ignorantsº show beneath |asuspicionºa| like the |awives bitterharfsa| of esculapuloids. All is waldlyº |~bona bonums~|. Aeros, we luft to you! Firebugs,º good blazes! Lubbersº, keepº your poudies drier! Seamen, we bless your w ship and wives!º8|
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|8|aSevenº ills havd I |~hadt habt,º seaventy seavens are your prospect.~|a| |aThe chort of |bOld Nichilas |~Nichilas Nicholas~| Withinb| was my guide and I raised a dom on the bog of Michan.a| |aBy fineounce I grew and by grossscruple I grew outreachesly:ºa| To Milud |ablank oldº moneya| andº to |~Milady Madame~| |aher blank fresh advances.a| |xDutch florinners moved against us and |~I~| met them Bartholomew:º |s+blank milreys onfellºs+| and I arose,º Daniel in Leonden.x|8| |8|aWho can Can youºa| tell their tale whom I filled ad liptum on the plain of Soulsbury?8| I have reared my hut in the night and at morn I was encompassed of mushroofs: the more secretly bi built, the more openly plastered. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. |8|aFullgent, |~Fulgent~|a| |~I funked forth~| |a|~(drat it!),~|a| |~voldsom they veered.~|8| Lo, I have looked long upon my pompadours in their easancies and my drummers have told tall tales of me in the land. |8|~Fulgent I funked forth (drat it!); voldsom (veh!) they veered.~| |aFrom This maydsº my taughtersº and these man,º my son, froma| the Villaº of the Ostmannorumº to Thorstan's,º recte blank they are my vill villeins, |awithº chartulariesa| I have talledged them.º8| Wherefore has my sovereign lord regards for me and he has given to me my neckname which is second fiddler to nomen. Idle were it|8, repassing to the elder disposition,º |ain so |~blank~| and such a matter |~as me it so besitteth~|,ºa|8| to inquire whether I, huddledtogether, be the massproduct of teamwork or I, draggedasunder, the forced outcome of group marriage |8or carried of cloud from land of locustº |~,~|8| for, |8holocryptogam of my essenses,º8| surrounded by obscurity, most surely I pretend by virtue of creation and by boon of promise my naturalborn freeman's journeyman right |8and |amya| Other Church's inher lightsº8| to opt for simultaneous. |8Till daybow breakº and showshadows flee.8| |~8So Thus~|8| be Hek! Verily! Verily!

— What is your numb? Bun!

— Who gave you that numb? Poo!

— Have you put in all your spare pennies? I'm listening. Sree!

— Keep clear of propennies! Kore!

Invisible friends! I maymay mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had my faithful Fulvia, following the courses of this world, turned her back on her ways to go on the hills in search of brunette men of Iarland, Chief Nightcloud by the Deeps and Chief Goes-in-Blackwater and Chief Northpaw and Chief Brown Pool, or, again, had Fluvia left her crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some bywaymen
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who would have abused of her there might accrue advantage to ask. Yet know of old it was vastly otherwise |8which I have heard it by my goods waif,º8| as I |8chieflyº endmost8| heartily aver, for Fulvia Fluvia ever did ensue |8tillstead8| the |~8thinge things~|8| that pertained unto fairness. Even so. For I waged love on her: and spoiled her undines: and she wept. O my lors!

|8⇒ — Till we meet!

Ere we part!

|s+Tolloll, all! Tollollall!s+|

This time a hundred years!8|

|88| But I was firm with her. And I did take the |8hand reached8| of my delights, my jealousy, and did raft her riverworthily and did |8lead leftlead8| her overland the pace, whimpering by Kevin's port and Hurdlesford and Gardener's Mall to Ringsend Ferry
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: and there, on wavebrink, |8by mace of |~Masthigh masthigh~|,8| did I uplift my magicianer's puntpole and I bade those pollyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with |8himselves hemselves8| from os (rookwards, thou seasea stammerer!) and I abridged with domfine Norsemanship her maiden race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly when with all my bawdy did I her worship, min bryllupswipe: Heaven, he hallthundered; Heydays, he flung blissforhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her by dint of strongbow, so strong we were in one, malestream and shegulf: and |8with iron of |~Ierne ierne~|8| I thumbringed |8herº8| and tradesmanmarked her |8lieflang8| mine for all and singular|8, iday, igone, imorgensº and for ervighedsº |sa(whatº screech of shippings! what low of dampfbulls!):ºsa|8|
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and I chained a name and wedlock round her the which to carry till her grave, my dirty deary: and|s8, fortiffed by my right,ºs8| I did encompass her about, my vermincelly vinegarette, with all loving kindness as far as in man's might it lay and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes: and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware and fine ladderproof hosiery lines and potted fleshmeats and pennigsworths of the best of taste |8of of |aknobby leeks knaggyº jetsa| and silvered |awatercress waterrosesa| and8| geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispy frocks of redferns and lauralworths such as women cattle wear, |8the pick |afrom ofa| Pim's and |aTodd's Slyne'sa| and Sparrow's,8| La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sourire d'Hiver, and a crinoline, wide a shire, and pattens for her trilibies for all daintiness by teatime: and I wound around my swanchen's neckplace a school of joys of moyles marine to ring their |s8seabells seasangss8| in her silence: and, upping her as king's count, I pierced her beak with order of the
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Danabrog: and I hung up at Yule my pigmy suns|8, helphelped of Kettil Flashnose,8| for the supperhour of my frigid one|8, coulomba mea, frimosa mia,º8| through all |8Livania |aLivania Livania's volted ampire,ºa| fromº anods to cathods and8| from the topazolites of Mourne by Arklow's sapphire seamanslure and Waterford's hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kinsella:
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and I fed her, my carleen, my little lean steer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobbyleek and swinespepper and gothakrauts |8and the drugs of Kafa and Jelapaº and shallots out of Ascalon8|: and to my saffronbreathing mongoloid I gave powlver and gentle oils for the swarthy face on her and handewers and loinscrubbers and a currycomb to tease her tuzzy out and clubmoss and wolvesfoot for her more moister wards: and for my shopsoiled doveling I did devise my prizeless telltale sports at evenbread to wring her withers limberly, |8wheatears, slapbangº, draper-cut-dean,8| bray |8and, nap,8| spinado and ranter-go-round: |8Iº foredreamed for herº and,º more than fallmaked,º I prevened for herº in the |ahouse hauntsa| that joybelled frail light-a'-leavesº for sturdy traemen:º |aPelvis ad Hombre Pelves ad Hombresa|
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Sumus:º I said to the shiftless prostitute,º Letº me be your fodder; and I said to the roadiesº,º Chau,º Camerade!º
8| and I built in Urbs in Rure for mine elskede, my shiny brows, an earthcloset wherewithin to be quit in most convenience from her sabbath needs: |8|xdid not I festfix my unniversiriesº, wholly,º rational and gottalike?º was not Iº |arockcut rosetteda| on two stelasº of little egypt?º had not Iº rockcut redersº, |ablank hieros, |sbblank gregossb| and democriticos?º |~chortwork made not (I) of her hogs and bogarisses~| and by my syvendialed |achanginga| charties Hibernska Ulitzas made |sanotsa| Iº to pass through twelveº Threadneedles and Newgade and Vicus Veneris to cooinsight?º |bOi polled ye Manyº but my fews were chousen:ºb|a|x| andº I setº up twinminsters, the pro and the con, |awoven of peeled wands and attachattouchyº floodmud, |b|cArches Archedc| for theº covenantersº and shinners' rifuge:ºb|a| all truant trullsº |adid madea| I comepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, go, go:º8| and |8thirdly, for evigsº,8| I did reform and restore for my smuggy piggiesknees her paddypalace on the crossknoll and I added thereunto a shallow laver to put out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house and she sass her nach, chillybombom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane, may all have mossyhonours!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

— Hoke!

And hail or rain or drizzle or sleet, with fairskin
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book and ruling rod|8, vain of my vergin page,8| I did learn my little anna countrymouse in alpabeater cameltemper, from alderbirch to tannenyou, with my rattan at her drum ooah oyir oyir oyir: and I did spread before my Livvy|8, whereº Lord Streetº lolls and ladies linger,º8| my selvage mats of softest lawn|8, my carpet gardens of Guerdon Cityº8|: and I planted for my own hot lass a vineyard and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops against budmonth and gleanermonth: and (hush! hush!) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle (speakeasy!) my brandold Dublin lindub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, the pusspuss pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw: and I laid down before the trotters of my eblanite my stonybattered waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore,
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whereon, in |8mask mantram8| of truemen like yahoomen, |8claudesdales |aand withºa| arabstreeds,8| the mule and the hinny and the jennet and the mustard nag and piebald |8Shetlands |ashelties shjeltiesa|8| and skewbald |8Orkneys awknees8| |s8stepped steppits8| lively for her pleashadure (lift ye the left and rink ye the right!): and she lafaughed in her diddydid domino to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them! Kick! Playyup!

— Mattahah! Marahah! Luahah! Joahanahanahana!