Fair Copy

Fair copy, September 1921, draft level 3

MS Rosenbach Museum, Buffalo V.A.22 Draft details

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Yes because he never did a thing a like that before as ask to get his breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his highness to make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that |3he thought he had a great leg of and she3| never left us a farthing all for masses for herself|3. and her soul |agreatesta| miser |aever was actuallya| afraid to lay out fourpence for her methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she was a welleducated woman3| and her talk about Mr Riordan here and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog smelling my |3fur3| and always edging to get up under my petticoats |3still I like that in him polite to old women like that3| if ever he got anything really serious the matter with him it's much better for them to go into a hospital where everything is clean |3but I suppose I'd have to |adrive dringa| it into him for a month3| yes because they're so weak and puling when they're sick |3and that dyinglooking one when he sprained his foot at the choir party at lough Bray the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst she could find at the bottom of the basket though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed3| father was the same besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his toe with the razor paring his corns afraid he'd get blood poisoningº yes he came somewhere I'm sure by his appetite anyway love it's not or he'd be off his feed thinking of her so either it was one of those night women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it |3planning it |aHynes kept mea| who did I meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he not long married flirting with a young girl at Poole's Myriorama and turned my back on him what harm but he had the impudence to make up to me one times |awell done to him |amouth almightya| and his boiled eyesa| of all the big stupoes I ever met and that's called a solicitor3| only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if it's not that it's some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the sly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day |3Dignam died before yesterday3| he was |3writing scribbling something3| a letter when I came into the front room |3for the matches to show him the death in the paper3| as if something told me and he covered it up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very probably that was it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his age especially getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws now who he does it with or knew before that way though I'd like to find out so long as I don't have the two of them under my nose all the time like that slut, that Mary, we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell of those painted women off him once or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me without that one it was all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at our table on Christmas day O no thank you not in my house stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 a dozen going out to see her aunt, if you please, common robbery so it was |3but I was sure he had something on with that one3|
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it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told her what I thought of her |3|asuggesting me to go out to be alone with her I wouldn't lower myself to spy on them the garters I found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a little bit too mucha| her face swelled |aon hera| with temper when I gave her her week's notice |aI saw to thata| better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house3| I couldn't even touch him if I thought he was with a dirty liar and sloven like that one singing about the place in the W.C. too because she knew she was too well off yes because he couldn't possibly do without it that long so he must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka |3I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to squeeze back3| singing the young May moon she's beaming , love because he has an idea about him and me he's not such a fool though I'm not going to f give him the satisfaction in any case God knows he's a change in a way not to be always |3and ever3| wearing the same |3old3| hat |3unless I paid some |anicelookinga| boy to do it since I can't do it myself a young boy would like me I'd confuse him a little looking at him3| doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour question and answer would you do this that and the other with the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean or bishop was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of who is it tell me his name who tell me who the german emperor is it yes imagine I'm him think of him can you feel him he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it |3and till he3| comes and then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow it's done now |3once and for all3| with all the talk of the world people about it people make it's only the first time after that it's just the ordinary |3do it and think no more about it3| why can't you kiss a man you sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you can't help yourself |3I wish some man or other would take me sometime when he's there and kiss me in his arms3| then I hate that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your person on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it where you sit down yes O lord couldn't he say bottom right out and have done with it |3he had a nice fat hand I wouldn't mind feeling it besides there's no danger with a priest3| I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didn't like his slapping me behind going away |3so familiarly3| in the hall though I laughed I'm not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in it he smelt of some kind of drink not
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whisky or stout some liqueur I I'd like |3to sip3| those richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the opera hats he had all he could do to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took the potted meat and claret yes because |3I feel sound asleep myself I felt lovely and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top3| the moment I popped into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us |3I thought the heavens were coming down |aabout usa| when I blessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar |aas if the world was coming to an enda| and they say then there's no God yes3| when I lit the lamp |3yes3| because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever they call it was going to burst after I took off all my things after my hour's dressing |3and perfuming and combing it3| like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar standing all the time |3he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen3| no I never in all my life felt anyone had one the size of that to fill you make you feel full up what's the idea making us like that with a big hole in |3the middle of3| us or like a stallion driving it up into you because that's all they want out of you with that determined vicious look in his eyes still he hasn't such (3an amount a tremenduous amount3) of spunk in him |3when I made him pull out and do it on me3| considering how big it is so much the better in case any of it wasn't washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me nice invention they made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave them a touch of it themselves they'd know what I went through with Rudy nobody would believe and Mina Purefoy's husband give us a swing out of your whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year as regular as the clock supposed to be healthy supposing I risked having another not off him though still if he was married I'm sure he'd have a fine strong child but I don't know Poldy has more spunk in him I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about me and Boylan set him off |3well he can think what he likes now if that'll do him any good3| I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpson's housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on account of not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over politics |3he began it not me3| when he said about Our Lord being a carpenter and the first socialist still he knows a lot of mixedup things especially about the body and the inside |3|aI'd like I often wanteda| to study up that myself what we have inside us in that family physician3| after that |3I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him and because he used to be a bit jealous whenever he asked who are going to and I said over to Floey and3| he made me the present of Byron's poems and the three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily get him to make it up any time I know how I'd even supposing he got in with her again and was going out to see her somewhere I'd know if he refused to eat the
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onions I know several ways |3then |atouch him with my veil and gloves on going out one kiss then would send them all spinning howevera| alright we'll see then3| let him go to her she of course would only be too delighted |3to pretend she's |amada| in love with him that I wouldn't so much but he might imagine he was and make a declaration to her like he did to me though I had the devil's own job to get it out of him though I liked him for that it showed he could hold in and wasn't to be got for the asking3| she used to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was there meaning him of course |3glauming me over and when I said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me and did you wash possible the women are always egging on to that when he's there they know by his eye the kind he is what spoils him3| I don't wonder in the least because he was very handsome at that time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked and he was a little before we got engaged afterwards though she didn't like it so much the day I was |3laughing in fits of laughing I couldn't stop3| about all my hairpins falling out one after another you're always in great humour she said yes because it grigged because she knew what it meant but that wasn't my fault I wonder what she's like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had her face beginning to look drawn the last time I saw her |3she must have been just after a row with him because I saw on the moment she was edging to draw down a conversation about husbands3| what was it she told me O yes that sometimes he used to go to bed with his muddy boots when the maggot takes him just imagine having to get into bed with a thing like that that might murder you any moment what a man well it's not the one way everyone goes |3Poldy anyhow whatever he does always wipes his feet on the mat when he comes in wet or shine and he always takes off his hat when he comes up in the street like then3| and now he's going about in his slippers to look for £10,000 for a postcard U.p: up O sweetheart May wouldn't a thing like that simply bore you stiff to extinction actually too stupid even to take his boots off now what could you make of a man like that I'd rather die 20 times over than marry another of them of course he'd never find another woman like me to put up with him the way I do |3yes3| and he knows that too |3at the bottom of his heart3| take that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband for what I wonder |3in love with some other man yes |ait was found out on hera| wasn't she |aa thea| villain to go and do a thing like that3|.

They're all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he noticed at once |3even before he was introduced when I was in the D.B.C. with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was wiggling my foot I saw him looking with his two old maids of sisters when I stood up and |awent out asked the girl where it was what do I care with it dropping out of me |band that black closed breeches he made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down always with some brandnew fadb| such a long one I did I forgot my suède gloves on the seat behind that I never got after some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish times lost in the ladies' lavatory DBC Dame street |bfinderb| return to Mrs Marion Blooma|3| now how did that excite him |3because I was crossing them when we were in the other room first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like that I don't like my foot so much still3| I made Poldy spend once with my foot |3when he used to ask the night after Goodwin's botchup of a concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the fire wasn't black out when he asked3| to take off my stockings |3lying on the hearthrug3| in Lombard street west but of course he's not natural that I what did he say I could give nine points in ten to Kattie Lanner and beat her what does that mean I asked him I forget what he said because the stop press edition just passed and the man with the curly hair in the Maypole dairy that's so polite |3I think I saw his face before somewhere3| I noticed him when I was tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell d'Arcy too that he used to make fun of when he kissed me on the choir stairs after I sang Gounod's Ave Maria he was pretty hot |3for all his tinny voice3| too my low notes he said if you can believe him then he said wasn't it terrible to do that there in a place like that I don't see anything so terrible about it I'll tell him about that some day not now and surprise
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him he was much worse himself begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off my drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissedº in the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me questions is it permitted to enquire |3the shape of my bedroom3| so I let him keep it as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket of course he's mad on the subject of drawers that's plain to be seen when he saw me from behind following in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of the Harold's cross road with a new raincoat on him and the brown hat looking |3as sly as ever slyboots as usual3| what was he doing there |3where he'd no business they can go and get anything they like and3| we're not to ask any questions but they want to know where were you where are you going I could feel him coming after me his eyes on my neck pestered me to say yes |3till I took off my glove slowly watching him3| he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain anything for an excuse to put his hand near me drawers drawers all the time he did look a big fool |3dreeping in the rain3| splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them and wanted me to lift the orange petticoat I had on with the sunray pleats that there was nobody he said he'd kneel down in the wet if I didn't |3so persevering3| you never know what freak they'd take alone with you |3they're so savage for it3| if anyone was passing so I touched his trousers outside the way I used to Gardner to keep him from doing worse |3where it was too public3| he was shaking like a jelly all over then he wrote me that letter with all those words in it how could he have the face to any woman after his company manners making it so awkward after when we met asking me have I offended you |3with my eyelids down3| and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for form sake and wasn't it natural so it is of course it used to be written up with a picture of a woman's on that wall in Gibraltar then writing every morning a letter sometimes twice a day I liked the way he made love then he knew the way to take a woman |3then I wrote3| the night he kissed my heart at Dolphin's barn it makes you feel like nothing on earth but he never knew how to embrace well like Gardner I hope he'll come on Monday as he said at the same time four I hate people who come at all hours answer the door you think it's the vegetables then it's somebody and you all undressed or the door of the filthy |3sloppy3| kitchen |3blows3| open the day old Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street |3don't look at me professor I had to say I'm a fright3| nobody to say you're out you have to peep out through the blind I was just beginning to yawn with nerves when I knew his tattarrattat at the door he must have been a bit late because it was |3¼3| after
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three when I saw the two Dedalus girls coming from school when I threw the penny to that lame sailor and I hadn't even put on my clean shift |3or powdered myself or a thing3| then this day week we're to go to Belfast just as well Poldy has to go to Ennis his father's anniversary the 27th it wouldn't be pleasant if he did suppose our rooms at the hotel were beside each other and any fooling went on I couldn't tell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next room |3or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the wall3| then he'd never believe the next day we didn't do something it's all very well a husband but you can't fool a lover after me telling him we never did anything no it's better he's going where he is besides somethingº always happens with him the time going to the Cork concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of us then the bell rang out he walks down the platform with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it and the waiter after him making a |3holy3| show of us screeching and confusion for the engine to start but he wouldn't pay till he finished it the two gentlemen in the carriage said he was quite right so he was too he's so pigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a good job he was able to open the carriage door with his knife or they'd have taken us on to Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him I love jaunting in a train or a car I wonder will he take a |3firstclass 1st class3| for me he might want to do it in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose there'll be the usual idiots of men gaping at us |3with their eyes as stupid as ever they can be3| one or two tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicer then coming back suppose I never came back what would they say eloped with him that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at where it's over a year ago when was it S. Teresa's hall Clarendon St slips of |3girls missies3| they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of father being in the army |3and my singing the absentminded beggar3| and Poldy not Irish enough was it him managed it this time I wouldn't put it past him he was going about with some of them Sinnº Fein or whatever they call themselves talking his usual trash and nonsense |3he says that little man he showed me without the neck is very intelligent the coming man Griffiths is he well he doesn't look it all I can say3| still it must have been him he knew there was a boycott I hate the mention of their politics after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith |3and Bloemfontein where Gardner, lieut Stanley, G, 8th Bn Somersetº Lt Infantry killed they could have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul and the rest of the |aothera| old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead of dragging on for years killing any men there were3| I love to see a regiment pass in review |3or those sham battles on the 15 acres3| the Black Watch with their kilts in time or the Dublins his father made his money over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me a nice present up in Belfast after what I gave him they've lovely
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linen up there or one of those nice kimono things |3I must buy a mothball like I had before to keep in the drawer with them3| it would be exciting going round with him shopping buying those things in a new city better leave this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over the knuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers or tell the police on me but they'd think we're married O let them all go and smother themselves for all I care he has plenty of money and he's not a marrying man so someone better get it out of him if I could find out whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course |3when I looked close in the handglass powdering3| a mirror never gives you the expression besides |3lying scrooching down3| on me like that all the time with his big hipbones he's heavy too for this heat |3better for him put it into me from behind the way Mrs Galbraith told me her husband made her like the dogs do it and stick out her tongue as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mild you never can be up to men the way it takes them3| lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish tie and silk socks he's certainly well off but he was like a devil for a few minutes after he came back with the stop press |3tearing up the ticket and swearing blazes3| because he lost 20 quid he said he lost over that outsider that won and half he put on for me on account of Lenehan's tip |3he was making free with me after the Glencree dinner coming back |athat long joulta| over the featherbed mountain I wish I could have picked that chicken out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned |aand as tender as anythinga| those forks |aand fishslicersa| were hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could easily have slipped a couple into my muff3| always hanging out of them for money in a restaurant we have to be thankful for our cup of tea even as a great compliment |3to be noticed3| the way the world is divided in any case if it's going to go on I want at least two other good chemises and but I don't know what kind of drawers he likes none at all I think didn't he say then the second pair of silkette stockings is laddered after one day's wear I could have brought them back to Sparrow's this morning and made them change them only not to run the risk of walking into him and |3spoiling everything ruining the whole thing3| and one of those kidfitting corsets I'd want advertised cheap in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I have but that's no good what did they say they give a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance |3about across3| the lower back |3to reduce flesh my belly is a bit too big |aand I'll have to knock off the stout at dinner ora| I must do a few breathing exercises I wonder is that antifat any good might overdo it the thin ones are not so much the fashion now3| garters that much I have the violet pair I wore today that's all he bought me out of the cheque he got on the first O no there was the face lotion I finished |3the last of3| yesterday that made my skin like new I told him get that made up in the same place and don't forget it God |3only3| knows whether he did I'll know by the bottle anyway |3if not I suppose I'll only have to wash in my piss with some of that opoponax and violet I thought it was beginning to look coarse or old a bit where it peeled off the skin underneath is much finer where it peeled off there on my finger after |athea| burn it's a pity it isn't all like that3| and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in all sure you can't get on in this world without |3clothes style I've no clothes at all3| the men won't look at you and women try to walk on you for the four years more I have of life up to 35 no I'm what am I I'll be thirtythree in September O well look at that Mrs Galbraith she's much
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older than me I saw her when I was out last week her beauty's on the wane she was a lovely woman |3magnificent3| head of hair on her down to her waist like Kitty O'Shea in Grantham street 1st thing I did every morning to look across see her combing it as if she loved it and was full of it pity I only got to know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the prince of Wales was in love with I suppose he's as like the first man going the roads only for the name of a king they're all made the one way a beauty up to what was she fortyfive there was some funny story about the jealous old husband what was it at all and an oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing round her and the prince of Wales yes he had the oyster knife can't be true a thing like that |3like some of those books he brings me the works of |aMastera| Francis Somebody supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her ear because her bumgut fell out a nice word for a priest to write with that old blackguard's face on him anyone can see it's not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that twice I remember when I came to |apage 50a| the part about |awhere she hangs him up out of a hook with a cord flagellate sure there's nothing for a woman in thata| all invention like the infant Jesus in the crib at Inchicore in the blessed virgin's arms sure no woman could have a child that big taken out of her3| because how could she go to the chamber when she wanted to and she a rich lady he ought to chuck that Freeman with the paltry few shillings he knocks out of it and go into an office or something where he'd get regular money of course he prefers |3hanging plottering3| about the house so you can't stir with him |3any side3| or pretending to be mooching about for advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffe's still only for what he did then sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him promoted there to be the manager he gave me a great eye once or twice first he was as stiff as the mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old rubbishy dress that I lost the lead out of the tails with no cut in it but they're coming into fashion again I bought it simply to please him pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Burns as I said and not |3McBirney's Lee's it was just like the shop itself3| rummage sale a lot of trash |3Nothingº kills me altogether only3| he thinks he knows a great lot about a woman's dress |3and cooking mathering everything he can scour off the shelves into it3| if I went by his advices every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes take that |3|athat's alrighta| the one like a weddingcake standing up off my head he said suited me or the dishcover one coming down on my back3| on pins and needles about the shopgirl in that place in Grafton street I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as insolent as could be with her smirk saying if I'm afraid we're giving you too much trouble what she's there for but I stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder but he changed the second time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the soup but I could see him looking very hard at my chest I'm extremely
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sorry Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too marked the first time after him being insulted and me being supposed to be his wife |3I just half smiled3| I know my chest was out that way at the door when he said I'm extremely sorry and I'm sure you were.

I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he made me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow I'll get him to keep that up and I'll take those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for him what are all those veins and things curious the way it's made two the same in case of twins they're supposed to represent beauty placed up there when he said I could pose for a picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the job in Hely's and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee palace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down |3yes only she's younger3| used they go about like that I asked him about her and that word met something with hoses in it and he came out with some jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing simply the way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom |3out3| of the pan all for his kidney this one not so much there's the mark of his teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream out aren't they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with |3|aRudy Millya|3| |3from the belladonna |aenough for twoa| he said I could have got a pound a week as a wet nurse3| all swelled out the morning that delicate looking student that stopped in |3Citron's no 28 with the Citrons3| Penrose nearly caught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel to my face hurt me they used weaning her till |3he got3| doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get him to suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker than cow's then he wanted to milk me into the tea I declare somebody ought to put him in the budget if I |3only3| could |3only3| remember the 1 half of the things and write a book out of it the works of Master Poldy yes and it's so much smoother the skin much an hour he was at them I'm sure by the clock I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he was here |3or someone somebody to let myself go with or if I could dream it3| when he made me spend the |3second 2nd3| time tickling me behind with his finger I was coming for about five minutes I had to hug him after O Lord I wanted
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to shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit or anything at all who knows the way he'd take it you want to feel your way with a man they're not all like Poldy him thank God I noticed the contrast he does it and doesn't talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit loose from the tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday O Lord I can't wait till Monday.

Frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling |3the strength those engines have in them like big giants3| like the end of love's old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that have to be out all the night from their wives and families in those roasting engines stifling it was today I'm glad I burned the half of those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying about |3he's getting very careless3| and threw the rest of them up in the W.C. |3instead of having them there for the next year to get a few pence for them3| have him asking where's last |3year's January's3| paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the hall making the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely |3|aand refreshinga| just after my beauty sleep3| I thought it was going to get like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big giant with the poplars and they all whitehot and |3the mosquito nets and3| the smell of the rainwaterº in those tanks watching the sun all the time weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock father's friend Mrs Stanhope sent me from the B. Marche Paris what a shame my dear Doggerina she wrote |3in on3| it what she was very nice what's this her other name was just a p.c. to tell you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to be back in G and hear you sing |3Waiting and3| in old Madrid Concone's is the name of those exercises he bought me one of those new some word I couldn't make out shawls amusing things but tear for the least thing will always think of the lovely teas we had together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore |3|awella| now dearest Doggerina3| be sure and write soon |3kind |aregardsa| she left out |aregardsa| to your father also captain Grove3| with love yrs aff'ly Hester x x x x x she didn't look a bit married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was awfully fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to step over at the bullfight at La Linea these clothes we have to wear you can't do a blessed thing in them run or jump out of the way that's why I was afraid when that old bull began to charge
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he used to break his heart at me taking off the dog barking |3what became of them ever3| I suppose they're dead long ago the two of them it's like all through a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones of course I had everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair she showed me how to settle it at the back when I put it up and what's this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one hand what age was I then he was watching me whenever he got an opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father and captain Grove I looked up at the church first and then at the windows then down and our eyes met I felt something go through me like all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I looked at myself in the glass |3hardly recognised myself the change3| |3|xhe was attractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas in the shadow of Ashlydyatx|3| it wouldn't have been nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly Bawn she gave me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I don't like books with a Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of it O this blanket is too heavy on me that's better I haven't even a decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and his fooling that's better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched with the sweat stuck |3to in the cheeks of3| my bottom on the chair when I got up |3they were so fattish and firm when I stood on the table to see with my clothes up3| and the bugs at night and the mosquito nets I couldn't read of course they never came back |3and she didn't put |aany hera| address on it either3| she may have noticed her wogger people were always going away and we never I remember that day with the waves and the boats rocking and the smell of ship those officers' uniforms |3on shore leave3| made me seasick he didn't say anything he was very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she kissed me six or seven times didn't I cry I believe I did or near it she had a gorgeous wrap on her for the voyage it got as dull as the devil after they went |3waiting |aalwaysa| waiting to gui-ide him to-oo me waiting nor spee-eed his flying feet3| same old reveille in the morning
{ms, 012}
and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the place more than the old jews assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines and only captain Groves and father lighting their pipes for them everytime they went out drunken old devil picking his nose trying to think of some |3other3| dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgot himself when I was there |3paying his compliments |athe drink talking of coursea| but he'd do the same to the next woman that came along3| the days like years not a letter from a living soul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them so bored sometimesº I could fight with my nails as bad as now with the hands hanging off me the meat and the coalman's bell and no visitors or post ever except his cheques or some advertisement like that wonderworker they sent him only his letter and the card from Milly this morning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last letter from O Mrs Thornton now what possessed her to write |3|afrom Canadaa| after so many years Floey Dillon since she wrote to say she was married to a very rich architect if I'm to believe it with a villa and eight rooms her father was an awfully nice man |ahe was near seventya| always good humour well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie there's the piannyer then dying so far away3| I hate people that have always their poor story to tell |3everybody has their own troubles3| that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute neumonia well I didn't know her so well as all that she was Floey's friend more than mine poor Nancy it's a bother having to answer he always tells me the wrong things |3and no stops3| to say like making a speech |3|ayour sad bereavementa| symphathy I always make that mistake and newphew with you in3| I hope he'll write me a longer letter the next time if it's a thing he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebodyº to give me what I badly wanted you've no chances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody would write me a loveletter |3in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is sighing I am dying still if he wrote it I suppose there'd be some truth in it3| true or no it fills up your whole day |3and life always something to think about every moment blank and see it all round you like a new world |aI could write the answer in bed to let him imagine me short just a few words not those long crossed letters Floey Dillon used to write to the fellow that jilted her out of the ladies' letterwriter acting with precipat precip itancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentleman's proposal affirmativelya|3| my goodness there's nothing else |3it's all very fine for them but as for being a woman3| as soon as you're old they might as well throw you out into the ashpit.

Mulvey's was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio brought it in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her to hand me and I pointing at them I couldn't think of the word a hairpin to open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and vain about her appearance ugly as she was with all her religion because
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I didn't run into mass often enough to please her an admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin |3I wanted to pick him up when3| I saw him following me along the Calle Real |3in the shop window then he tipped me just in passing3| but I never thought he'd write making an appointment |3I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it up in every hole and corner singing I remember shall I wear a white rose3| he was the first man kissed me under the Moorish wall it never entered my head what kissing meant till he put his tongue in my mouth I put my knee up to him a few times what did I tell him I was engaged for fun for fun to the son of a Spanish nobleman and he believed me that I was to be married to him in three years time there's many a true word spoken in jest |3a few things I told him true about myself just to for him to be imagining the Spanish girls he didn't like I suppose one of them wouldn't have him3| I got him excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldn't count the pesetas till I taught him Waterford he came from he said on the black water but it was too short then the day before he left up on the tiptop of the rock near O'Hara's tower I told him all about that old Barbary ape |3they sent to Clapham3| he was looking at me I had that white blouse on open in the front to encourage him |3as much as I could without too openly3| they were just beginning to be plump I said I was tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place |3the galleries and casemates and the ships out far like chips3| and the sky you could do what you liked he caressed them outside they love doing that it's the roundness there I was leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat |3to take the newness out of it3| the left side of my face the best my blouse open for his last day he wanted to touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldn't let him for fear you never know consumption or |3leave me with3| a child that old servant Ines told me that one drop even if it got |3in into you at all3| after I tried with the banana but I was afraid it might break and get lost up in me somewhere |3yes because they once took something down out of a woman that was up there for years covered with limesalts3| they're all mad to get in there where they come out of |3|ayou'd think they could never |bgrow gob| far enough upa| and then they're done with you in a way till the next time3| yes because there's a wonderful feeling there so tender all the time how did we finish it off yes O yes I pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be excited but I opened my legs I wouldn't let him touch me inside |3I tormented the life out of him first I loved rousing that dog in the hotel rrrsssstt awokwokawok3| his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was shy all the same I liked him like that |3moaning I made him blush a little when I got over him that way and3| when I unbuttoned him and took his out they're all buttons men down the middle Molly darling he called me what was his name Jack
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Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he was rather fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went round to the whatyoucallit |3everything was whatyoucallit3| moustache had he he said he'd come back and if I was married he'd do it to me |3and I promised him yes faithfully3| I'd let him block me now |3flying3| perhaps he's dead or killed or a captain or admiral it's nearly 20 years if I said firtree cove he would if he came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes to guess who I might recognise him he's young still about forty perhaps he's married some girl on the black water I was a bit wild after I wanted to fire his pistol he said he hadn't one |3I with his |apeaked peaka| cap on swinging my hat that old bishop that spoke off the altar |ahis long preach about woman's higher functionsa| about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps and |athe new womana| bloomers God send him sense and me more money I suppose they're called after him I never thought that would be my name Bloom |awhen I used to write it in print to see how it looked or practising for the butcher and oblige M. Blooma| you're looking blooming Josie used to say after I married him well it's better than Breen or those awful names with bottom in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I wouldn't like go mad about either3| the fuunread fun we had running along Willis's road to Europa point twisting in and out |3they were shaking and dancing about in my blouse like Milly's |alittle onesa| now when she runs up the stairs I was jumping up at the pepper trees pulling the leaves off and throwing them at him3| he went to India I he was to write |3the voyages those men have to make to the ends of the world and back3| I went up Windmill hill to the flats that morning with captain Rubio's that was dead spyglass he said he'd have oneº two from on board I wore that frock from the B. Marche Paris and the coral necklace I could see over to Morocco almost and the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly dear darling weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar only at cheap peau d'Espagne that faded and left a stink on you more than anything else I wanted to give him a memento |3he gave me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to south Africa where those Boers killed him but they were |awella| beaten all the same as if it brought its bad luck with it still it must have been pure 18 carrot gold because it was very heavy3| but what could you get in a place like that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship that came up to the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadn't a moustache that was Gardner |3yes3| I can see his face cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong|3. That that3| train again. |3Weeping tone.3| Once in the dear de-ead days beyondre call|3.3| Closeº my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere o'er the world the mists began I hate that istsbg . Comesº love's sweet |3song sooooooooooong3| I'll let that out full Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers my eyes flash my bust that they haven't passion |3God help their head3| I knew more |3about men and life3| when I was 15 than they'll |3all3| know at fifty 50 |3that's they don't know how to sing a song like that3| Gardner said no man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that and not think of it let them get a husband
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first that's fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he wants like Boylan to do it fiv 5 or 6 times locked in each other's arms or the voice either |3comes3| lo-ove's old deep down chin back not too much make it double |3my hole is itching me3| I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake him have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly and sides I wish he'd sleep in some bed by himself |3with his cold feet on me3| give us room even to |3let a3| fart God |3or do the least thing3| better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee there's that train far away pianissimo |3eeeeet eeeee3| one more tsong.

That was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free I hope that lamp is not smoking fill my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all night I couldn't rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up to see why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter it's more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was only about ten was I yes |3I had the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing her up and undressing3| that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a race back into bed |3I'm sure that fellow opposite used to be |athere the whole timea| watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping around I used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming3| goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope he's not going to get in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine he's young again coming in waking me up at 2 in the morning it must be if not more what do they find to gabber about all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea |3|aand Finnan haddy and hot |bbutteredb| toasta| I suppose we'll have him sitting up like a king pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down in his egg wherever he learned that and I love to hear him falling up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then play with the cat I wonder has she fleas she's as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate their claws I wonder do they see anything that we can't staring like that always what a robber too that lovely fresh plaice I bought3| I think I'll get a bit of fish tomorrow or today it is Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels cod yes I'll get a nice piece of cod I'm always getting enough for 3 forgetting anyway I'm sick of that everlasting butcher's meat or a picnic suppose we drove out to the furry glen or the strawberry beds
{ms, 016}
with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the banks there on purpose but it's so hot as blazes he says |3not a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck out for the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him3| better the seaside but I'd never again in this life get into a boat with him after |3him at3| Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row |3if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup he'd say yes then it came on to get rough3| the old thing crookeding about and the weight all down my side telling me pull the right reins now pull the left and the tide all swamping in through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the stirrup it's a mercy we weren't all drowned he can swim of course me no there's no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers I'd like to have tattered them down off him before all the people and give him what that one calls flagellate do him all the good in the world |3|a|bonly forb| that longnosed chap I don't know who he with that other beauty Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual |bon the slipb| you'd vomit a better facea| I wonder what kind is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going about with his tube from one woman to another3| I couldn't even change my new white shoes all ruined with the saltwater how annoying and provoking because the smell of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan bay round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermen's baskets old Luigi |3near a hundred3| they said came from Genoa and the tall old chap with the earrings I don't like a man you have to climb up to to get at I suppose they're all dead and rotten long ago besides I don't like being alone isº this big barracks of a place at night I suppose I'll have to put up with it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved in the confusion musical academy he was going to make |3on the first floor drawingroom with a brassplate3| like all the things he told father he was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said |3whatever I liked he was going to do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry my can3| he ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the plans he invents then leaving us here all day you'd never know what old beggar at the door for a crust with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot in the way to prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was called
{ms, 017}
in Lloyd's Weekly news 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders an old woman for her money imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face you'd run miles away from I couldn't rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows |3to makesure3| |3they ought to be all shot3| but it's worse again being locked up like in a prison or a madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed I'd cut them off him so I would not that he'd be much use still better than nothing the night I thought I heard burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits making as much noise as he possibly could for their benefit there isn't much to steal indeed the Lord knows still it's the feeling especially now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl down there to learn to take photographs only he'd do a thing like that all the same on account of me and Boylan that's why he did it I'm certain the way he plots and plans everything out I couldn't turn round with her in the place lately gave me the fidgets coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just as I was washing myself there with the glove get on your nerves then doing the loglady all day |3put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little |agimcracka| statue with her roughness and carelessness that I got that little Italian boy to mend so that you wouldn't see the join for two shillings3| wouldn't even teem the potatoes for you of course she's right not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking to her lately at the table explaining things in the paper and she pretending to understand sly of course that comes from his side of the house he can't say I pretend things can he I'm too honest as a matter of fact I suppose he thinks I'm finished out |3and laid on the shelf3| well I'm not no nor anything like it she's well on for flirting too with Tom Devan's two sons imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly come out please she's in great demand to pick what they can out of her round in Nelson street riding Harry Devan's bicycle at night |3it's as well he sent her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to go on the skatingrink3| and smoking their cigarettes I smelt it off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I sewed
{ms, 018}
on to the bottom of her jacket she couldn't hide much from me only I oughtn't to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what they say her tongue is too long for my taste your blouse is open too low she says to me |3the pan calling the kettle blackbottom3| and I had to tell her not to cock her legs up like that on show on the windowsill before all the people passing they all look at her like me when I was her age of course any old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too in her own way at the Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate people touching me afraid of her life I'd crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of that touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark they're always trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time I'll ever go there to be squashed like that for any Trilby every two minutes tipping me there and looking away he's a bit daft I think |3by his movements blank3| I saw him after trying to get near two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzer's window at the same little game I recognised him on the moment but he didn't remember me yes and she didn't even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone going away well I hope she'll get someone to dance attendance on her the way I did |3when she was down with the mumps3| where's this and where's that of course she can't feel anything deep yet |3I never came properly till I was what twentytwo or so3| only the usual girls' nonsense and giggling that Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he looked so handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that way for nothing I suppose there are a few men like that left it's hard to believe in it though unless it really happened to me the majority of them with not a particle of love in their natures to find two people like that nowadays full up of each other they're usually
{ms, 019}
a bit foolish in the head she's always making love to my things too the few old rags I have wanting to put her hair up at fifteen |3my powder too only ruin her skin on her3| she's time enough for that all her life after of course she's restless knowing she's pretty I was too but there's no use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a fishwoman when I asked to go for a |3|ahead of cabbage |ba half ab| a stone of potatoesa| the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she pretended not to see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we weren't grand enough3| till I gave her a damn fine crack |3on across3| the ear for herself |3take that now for answering me like that3| she had me that exasperated that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was just like that myself they daren't order me about the place it's his fault of course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago am I ever going to have a proper servant again that old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course she's old she can't help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly |3rag dishcloth that got lost3| behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened the |3area3| window to let out the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them especially Simon Dedalus' son his father such a criticiser with his glasses |3in up with his tall hat on him at the cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing at the other and his son that got all those prizes for whatever he won them in the intermediate imagine hawking him down into3| the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his head I ask my old pair of drawers might have been hanging up too on the line for exhibition for all he'd ever care with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now she's going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse there's always something wrong with them disease or if its not that its drink and I'll have to hunt around again for someone sweet God sweet God |3well3| when I'm stretched out dead in my grave I suppose I'll have some peace I want to get up a minute if I'm let wait O Jesus wait yes that thing has come on me yes now wouldn't that afflict you of course all the
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poking and rooting he had up in me
now what am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldn't that pester the soul out of a body unless he likes it some men do God knows there's always something wrong with us five days every |3month every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isn't it simply sickening that night it came on me like that the one time we were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him |ato see Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaietya| something he did about insurance for him in Drimmie's I was fit to be tied though I wouldn't give him with that gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his glasses and him the other side of me talking about Spinoza and his soul that's dead I suppose thousands of years ago |aI smiled the best I could all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was interesteda| having to sit it out then to the last tag I won't forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing her I suppose he went and had a woman |around ina| the next lane |arunning round all the back waysa| after |ato make up for ita| I wish he had what I had then he'd boo I bet3| the cat itself is better off than us have we too much blood up in us or what O patience above it's pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didn't make me pregnant as big as he is I don't want to ruin the clean sheets I just put on I suppose the clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they always want to see a stain on the bed to know you're a virgin for them all that's troubling them they're such fools too |3you could be a widow or divorced |afive fortya| times over3| a daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no that's too purply O let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for women |3what between clothes and cooking and children3| this damned old bed too jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the other side of the town till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor |3|awith the pillow under my bottoma| I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is3| easy I think I'll cut all this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a young girl where's the chamber gone easy |3I'm awfully afraid I've a holy horror3| of its breaking |3under me3| after that old commode I wonder was I too heavy sitting on his knee he was so busy he unread never felt easy God I remember one time I could do it out straight |3whistling whistling3| like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs than that look wh how white they are the smoothest place is right there between easy easy O how the waters come down at Lahore.

I wonder is there anything the matter with my insides getting that thing like that every week when was it last I Whit Monday yes it's only about three weeks I ought to go to the doctor only it would be like before I married him when I had that white thing coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr Collins for women's diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called I suppose that's how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich ones off Stephen's green running up to him for every little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her
{ms, 021}
cochinchina |3they've money of course so they're all right3| I wouldn't marry him not if he was the last man in the world smelling around those filthy bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive sm odour what did he want me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it all over his wrinkly old face for him I suppose he'd know then that's a very nice invention too by the way only I like letting myself down after as far as I can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still there's something in it I suppose I always used to know by Milly's when she was a child whether she was well or not still all the same paying him for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I frequent omissions where do those old fellows get all the words they have omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked sideways I wouldn't trust him too far to give me chloroform or God knows what else he was clever enough to spot that of course that was all thinking of him and his mad crazy letters |3my Precious one3| everything connected with your glorious body everything underlined that comes from it is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some book that he had me always at myself four and five times a day sometimes and I said I hadn't are you quite sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut him up I knew what was coming next only natural weakness it was he excited me I don't know how the first night ever we met when I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for about 10 minutes he used to amuse |3me3| the things he said with the half sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a member of parliament O wasn't it the fool to believe all his blather about home rule and the land league sending me that long strool of a song out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la Touraine that I never even sang once then might he as a great favour the very |3first 1st 1st 1st3| opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square running
{ms, 022}
into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to wash it off with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine still round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day I better not make an allnight sitting on this affair they ought to make them a bit bigger so that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose there isn't in all creation another man with the habits he has look at the way he's sleeping at the foot of the bed it's well he doesn't kick or he might knock out all my teeth breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took me to show one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on his side on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said was a bigger religion than the jews and Our Lord's together all over Asia imitating him as he's always imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep at the foot of the bed too with his big square feet up in his wife's mouth damn this stinking thing anyway where's this those napkins are ah yes I know I hope the old press doesn't creak ah I knew it would he's sleeping hard still she must have given him great value for his money of course he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope they'll have something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up God help us that's all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough easy piano God here we are as bad as ever after sixteen years every time we're just getting on right something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thom's and Hely's and Mr Cuffe's and Drimmie's either he's going to be run into prison over his old lottery tickets |3that was to be all our salvations3| or he goes and gives impudence we'll have him coming home with the sack soon out of the Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the freemasons then we'll see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by himself round by Coady's lane will
{ms, 023}
give him much consolation that he says is so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the trousers I saw on him wait there's George's church bells wait three quarters the hour one two o'clock well that's a nice hour for him to be coming home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him I'll knock him off that little habit tomorrow first I'll see if he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks I don't know then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he brought me another time as if we hadn't enough of that in real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with those rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs that's the kind of villainy they're always dreaming about with nothin not another thing in their empty heads then tea and toast for him and newlaid eggs I suppose I'm nothing any more when I wouldn't let |3touch lick3| me in Holles street one night |3man man tyrant as ever for the one thing3| he slept on the floor half the night naked and wouldn't eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to be petted |3so I thought I stood out enough for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only of his own pleasure3| he forgets that wethen I don't I'll make him do it again if he doesn't mind himself I wonder was it her Josie he's such a born liar too no he'd never have the courage with a married woman that's why he wants me and Boylan though as for Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you couldn't call him a husband yes it's some little bitch he's got in with |3even when I was with him with Milly at the College races that Hornblower with the hat on him let him us into he was throwing his sheeps eyes at those two I tried to wink at him first no use of course3| and that's the way his money goes this is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in L. Boom and Tom Kernan, that drunken little barrelly man that bit his tongue off falling down the men's W.C. drunk in some place or other, and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny McCoy's husband white head of
{ms, 024}
cabbage |3skinny thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing my songs |athe{sup>{small>a| she'd want to be born all over again and her old green dress like dabbling on a rainy day3| I see it all now plainly and they call that friendship killing and then burying one another and they all with their wives and families at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife is always sick or going to be sick or |3just3| getting better of it and he's a goodlooking man still though he's getting a bit grey over the ears they're a nice lot all of them well they're not going to get my husband again into their clutches if I can help it making fun of him then behind his back I know well when he goes on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same I'm sorry in a way for him what are his wife and five children going to do unless he was insured comical little teetotum |3always stuck up in some pub corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey won't you please come home what men3| wasn't he yes he was at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and grinning all over his big Dolly face didn't he look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the preserved seats for that and Simon Dedalus too he was always turning up half screwed singing the second verse first |3the old love is the new was one of his3| so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had a delicious |3glorious3| voice Phoebe dearest |3goodbye sweetheart sweetheart he always sang it not like Bartell D'Arcy sweet tart goodbye of course he had the gift of the voice so there was no art in it3| all over you like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly for me though it was a bit too high for my register even transposed and he was married at the time to May Goulding but then he'd say or do something to knock the good out of it he's a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says he's an author and going to be a university professor of Italian and I'm to take lessons what is he driving at now I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge station with his father and mother I was in
{ms, 025}
mourning that's eleven years ago now yes he'd be eleven though what was the good in going into mourning for what was neither one thing nor the other |3the first cry was enough for me I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the wall3| of course he insisted he'd go into mourning for the cat I suppose he's a man now by this time |3he was an innocent boy then and a darling little boy in his lord Fauntleroy suit |aand curly hair like a prince on the stagea| when I saw him at Mat Dillon's he liked me too I remember they all do3| wait by God he was on the cards this morning |3when I laid out the deck3| a young stranger you met before |3I thought it meant him but he's no chicken nor a stranger either3| didn't I dream something too yes there was something about poetry in it I hope he hasn't long greasy hair what do they go about like that for only getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked poetry when I was a girl first I thought he was a poet like |3lord3| Byron and not an ounce of it in his composition I thought he was quite different I wonder is he too young he's about wait 89 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillon's 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose he's 20 or more I'm not too old for him if he's 23 or 24 I hope he's not that stuck up |3university3| sort no otherwise he wouldn't go |3sitting3| down in the old kitchen with him taking Epps's cocoa and talking of course he pretended to understand it all probably he told him he was out of Trinity college he's very young to be a professor I hope he's not a professor like Goodwin was they all write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he won't find many like me where softly sighs of love the light guitar where poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so beautifully |3coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will I ever go back there again all new faces3| two glancing eyes a lattice hid I'll sing that for him they're my eyes if he's anything of a poet two eyes as softly bright as love's young star aren't those beautiful words as love's young star it'll be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to talk to about yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescott's ad and Keyes's ad and Tom the Devil's ad I'm sure he's very distinguished I'd like to meet a man like that God not those other ruck besides he's young those fine young men I could see down in Margate strand bathingplace from the side of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a god or
{ms, 026}
something and then plunging into the sea
with them why aren't all men like that there'd be some consolation for us like that lovely little statue he bought I could look at him all day long curly head and his shoulders his finger up for you to listen there's real beauty and poetry for you I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldn't mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was looking so clean and white he looks with his boyish face it'll be grand if I can only get in with a handsome young poet at my age I'll read and study all I can find so he won't think me stupid and I can teach him the other part I'll make him feel all over him then he'll write about me lover and mistress publicly too with our photographs in the papers when he becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him though?
{ms, 001}

Noº that's no way for him has he no manners or no refinement in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom that's what you get for not keeping them in their proper place of course he's right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke O well I suppose it's because they were so plump and tempting in my short petticoat he couldn't resist they excite myself sometimes it's well for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a woman's body we're so round and white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try with that thing they have swelling |3upon up on3| you so hard and at the same time so soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long |3I heard3| those cornerboys used to be saying passing the corner of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it didn't make me blush why should it either it's only nature and he puts his thing long into her thing my aunt Mary's hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their different tastes no but we're to be always chained up they're not going to be chaining me up no fear once I start I tell you for their stupid husband's jealousy why can't we all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it out well and if he did can he undo it and then he going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either it's the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we given all those desires for I'd like to know I can't help it if I'm young still can I it's a wonder I'm not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when he's asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I suppose who he has any man that'd kiss a woman's bottom I'd throw my hat at him after that unnatural where we haven't an atom of any kind of expression in us all of us the same two lumps |3of lard3| before ever I'd do that to a man pui the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough of course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you want isn't there sometimes by God I was thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where nobody'd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea that'd be hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only do it off up in a gate somewhere what they do themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats that K.C. lives up somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing match I knew him by his gaiters and the walk and when I turned round a minute after there was a woman after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his wife after that only
{ms, 002}
I suppose the half of those sailors are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for the love of Mike so well he may sleep and I'm to be slooching around down in the |3kitchen3| to get his lordship his breakfast will I indeed I'd just like to see myself at it I don't care what anybody says it'd be much better for the world to be governed by |3the3| women in it you wouldn't see women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop sure they wouldn't be in the world at all only for us they don't know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they all of them be if they hadn't all a mother to look after them that's why I suppose he's running wild now out at night away from his books and studies and not living at home on account of the usual rowy house I suppose you see those that have a fine son like that they're not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one that disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtn't to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted |3crying as I was3| but give it to some poor child but I knew well I'd never have another O I'm not going to think myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldn't stay the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldn't like that if she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps he could easy have slept in there on the sofa I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me in the next room he'd have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I wonder it's like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had the devil's queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria that gave me the rosary Rosales y O'Reilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name I'd go and drown myself in the first river if I had a name like her |3O my3| and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodger's ramp and the devil's gap steps well small blame to me if I am a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I don't feel a day older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I haven't forgotten it all I thought I had pity I never tried
{ms, 003}
to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by Valera with the questions in it all upside down the two ways I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then he'll see I'm not so ignorant what a pity he didn't stay I'm sure the poor fellow wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in bed with a bit of toast so as I didn't do it on the knife for bad luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the watercress and ground ivy something nice and tasty I could do the criada the room looks all right since I changed it the other way you see something was telling me all the time I'd have to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldn't it I'm his wife or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a God's notion where he is dos huevos estrellados señor Lord the cracked things come into my head sometimes it'd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not there's the room upstairs empty and Milly's bed in the back room I'm sure I'm not going to take in lodgers off the street I'd love to have a long talk with an intelligent welleducated person I'd have to get a nice pair of red slippers like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent morning gown that I badly want I'll just give him one more chance I'll get up early in the morning I'm sick of Cohen's old bed in any case then I'll throw him up his eggs and tea I know what I'll do I'll go about rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa pieta Masetto then I'll start dressing myself to go out presto non son più forte I'll put on my best shift and drawers let him have a good eyeful out of that to make him stand I'll let him know if that's what he wanted that his wife is fucked and damn well fucked too not by him 4 or 5 times running serve him right it's all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the gallery said O much about it if that's all the unread harm ever we did in this world vale of tears God knows it's not much I suppose that's what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldn't have made us the way He did then if he wants to kiss my bottom I'll stick it out in his face as large as life then I'll tell him I want £1 or perhaps 30/- I'll tell him I want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he won't be too bad I'll let him do it off on me behind provided he doesn't smear all my good drawers O I suppose that
{ms, 004}
can't be helped I'll do the indifferent one or two questions I'll know by the answers when he's like that he can't keep a thing back I'll tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words then I'll suggest about yes O wait now my turn is coming I'll be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing pfooh no I'll have to wear the old things so much the better it'll be more pointed he'll never know whether he did it or not there that's good enough for you any old thing at all then I'll wipe him off me just like a business then I'll go out I'll have eying up at the ceiling where is she gone now I'll go to Lambe's there beside Findlater's and get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings him home tomorrow today I mean no no Friday's an unlucky day first I want to do the place up someway then we can have music and cigarettes those fairy cakes in Lipton's at 7½ d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar 11 d a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle of the table I'd get that cheaper in wait where's I saw them not long ago I love flowers I'd love to have the whole place swimming in roses there's nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the dit ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying there's no God I wouldn't give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why don't they go and create something I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why because they're afraid ah yes I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody that made it all that they don't know neither do I so there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on Howth head the day I got him to propose to me |3yes3| and it was leapyear like now |3yes3| sixteen years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are
{ms, 005}
flowers all a woman's body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I liked him he because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I wouldn't answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking of so many things he didn't know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain Groves and the Alameda gardens and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a flower of the mountain and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again and then he asked me would I to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume and I said I will yes.